#back for automatic...mixed feelings on asshole

[portuguesedisaster]

Is it me or Automatic is such a different album. Not even just...different for the Lumineers but also all the music has a very weird vibe?

[sundives]

Magnets ✶ lhs.

Either way, you have me at my wit's end.

Summary: Lee Heeseung, according to your sort of college crushes, falls under the category of the unreachable. One being he's a bandmate and friend of your younger brother, (which automatically means he's off-limits), and two, he's popular, intelligent, and every girl's dream guy, which still validates your sort even if we cross out the first reason. And yet, a small part of you wondered, if Lee Heeseung can be just at an arm's length. 

And somewhere, in the middle of your junior year, a mystic force somehow pulled you and Heeseung together. A push and pull of feelings that had you wondering if he’s really unreachable. (or not, you just don’t want to assume really.)

✰ Song Inspiration: Magnets by Niki, Sway covered by Beabadoobee (original by Bic Runga), Take A Chance With Me by Niki

✰ Word Count: 25.6k

✰ Tags: Tooth-rotting fluff, best friend’s older sister, kinda realization of feelings, jealousy, drunken confessions ig, a bit of angst, smut! Yang Jungwon as reader’s younger brother, band au! College settings, classmates! Bar parties, mentions of alcohol. Heeseung is such a natural flirt (and is an epitome of mixed signals.) He is also in a band, mentions Enhypen members, mentions of kpop idols, Yunah and Karina as your best friends. Jungwon calls reader “noona.” He’s also so protective that he can be an asshole sometimes. Reader is kinda delusional but in denial but I get her. Heeseung has a high-alcohol tolerance for the sake of the plot. Switch of POV at some point of the story. 

✰ CW: Smut! Plot with little porn, p in v sex, unprotected sex lmao (pls don’t) drunk sex, creampie, oral (f and m receiving), aggressive making out, mentions of blood, fingering, squirting, light spanking, multiple orgasms, names (pretty, baby), grinding, cowgirl, aftercare!!! Multiple smut scenes because I’m practicing for my next fic but still shitty. Hope you enjoy though.

✰ Asul’s note: It’s Heeseung’s story this time! Third installment of Arcanum series. I also kinda made Enha members same-aged in this series, (hyung line are juniors while maknae line are sophomores, and idk why I am telling y’all this now lmao.) This one is lighter compared to my other stories hehe. Some talks about “The Virgin Suicides” because I love that novel sm and I’m going to nerd the hell out of it. 

And kinda spoiler? But the self-composed song of Arcanum is actually this song! (give love to the og singer pls) I just remembered Heeseung covered this during Fate Concert in New Clark City (and he did posted a short cover of it WTF.) The song and lyrics matched the story that’s why I included it here. Anyways, enjoy this not proofread, tooth-rotting story.

You can check the other member's stories here: Jay | Sunghoon

✰ Taglist: @kiikiisblog @chuuyaobsessed @k1ttyjwon @bussolares @rosepetals09 @m1kkso @dearestdreamies @dreamiestay @cloud-lyy @iamliacamila @heeseungsgf26 @dulcetnostalgia

-

According to your list, you have two types of crushes. 

The first ones are the reachables. Meaning, your crushes that you can potentially date or maybe pull if you’re lucky.

The first one being Jake Sim, who’s an orgmate of yours. You two only started as a staff for the Student Aid Organization during your first years in college, assisting students with their grievances. It wasn’t until Jake became the vice president of the said organization while you became his executive assistant, wherein you two became much closer. Jake was the ideal boyfriend. He was smart, good-looking, and fun to be with. You might have a chance with him if he reciprocates your small crush on him. 

The other one is Lee Chanyoung, a sophomore who is the rookie of Decelis University’s swimming team. He’s tall, handsome, but was a shy kid that you interviewed back when you were part of Decelis Publications. You remembered flustering him with your compliments, making the poor kid blush hard. You don’t mind dating him if only your interaction with him becomes frequent, but for now, he’s just an eye candy crush. 

Then, there are the unreachable ones. Your crushes who will forever remain in the crush-zone. Those crushes of yours that you had 0.0001% chance to date with, and so what? It’s just a crush, a small admiration to them.

Like Kang Taehyun. The most popular student in your department. He just happens to be the president of the Education Department’s student council. He holds a good reputation among his peers. Friendly and has a good aura around him. You had a few interactions with him and the rumors about his kindness exceeded you. Despite that, he remains (and will remain) unreachable due to the fact that he has a girlfriend. — you don’t want to ruin a relationship of course. 

Then, there’s Lee Heeseung. The one that you considered as the most unreachable crush of yours. 

There’s not enough words to describe Lee Heeseung, but he was everything. That man is everyone’s dream guy. Considering that he’s been a classmate of yours since freshman year, it’s undeniable that he’s an intelligent student. Considered as one of your department’s top students. 

Aside from that, he’s like Decelis University’s Troy Bolton. Heeseung lives a double life of being part of your department’s basketball team and playing in a band. While Decelis’ official basketball team tries hard to recruit him, Heeseung refuses to join because he knows that he’ll have to dedicate every minute of his time for it. Meaning it has to be his top priority and nothing else.

And everyone knows why. Heeseung can’t leave his band. How can he when he’s the one who formed the band and is basically the center of it? Lee Heeseung just happens to be the vocalist and guitarist of the band Arcanum, a university band that he formed along with some other students, that includes your younger brother — which leads you to another reason why he’s unreachable.

Your younger brother, Yang Jungwon was Arcanum’s drummer. His passion in music had convinced him to join the band, befriending his seniors and forming a bond with them through making music. 

That’s when you found yourself as the older sister who comes home to her house that served as a band practice for Arcanum. Perks of living in a house just a few blocks near the university.

Heeseung being Jungwon’s friend automatically meant he was off-limits since both you and Jungwon found it weird dating his friends, (in vice versa, so does the thought of Jungwon dating your friends.) Even though you and Heeseung were classmates first, and somewhere there, you had a crush on Heeseung first before he became friends with Jungwon, you decided that he’s automatically off-limits the moment Arcanum was formed. 

Still, in your mind, even if Heeseung wasn’t Jungwon’s friend, he is still unreachable. 

Heeseung’s aura and charisma can be seen from the way he controls the stage up to how he presents himself in court and classroom. He’s proud of it, and can be defined untouchable like the rest of his bandmates.

He’s like a star that is far from your reach. Hundreds of girls would die to be his girlfriend. There’s not a day where he receives confessions. But Heeseung would just laugh it off, rejecting it with a kind tone and apologies, and everyone knows why: Lee Heeseung isn’t looking for a relationship at the moment, which crushes every girl’s dream of becoming his. 

And that sort of includes you, but you know that you’re far from becoming Heeseung’s girlfriend. There were prettier, curvier, and even smarter girls who got rejected by Heeseung. That’s why you know it’ll never cross his mind to even spare a glance at you — his friend’s older sister. 

You’re decent, average grades, and probably being an independent sister who looks after her younger brother is the only thing that you can brag about. Still, that doesn’t make you stand out of the crowd. That’s why you’re long convinced that Heeseung wouldn’t even notice you, hence making him more unreachable.

Yet, there has always been a small part inside you, wondering — probably yearning, if Heeseung can still be reachable for you. 

-

Second semesters are always hell. For some reason, you feel like there’s a curse in the second semester because the course subjects always feel heavy and draining as if it’s challenging you to give up before the academic year ends.

“This project will take about 60% of your midterm grades, so I want everyone to be crucial in this paper,” and to make it worse, you choose an elective that demands more than your major subjects. A straight thin line forming on your lips as you jotted down the instructions that’s currently flashed on the tv screen.

“You can choose your own partner in this project, but you can also opt to do it solo, just kindly inform the class beadle and have her send me the list by the end of the day, any questions?” You stared at your notes. Although the paper analysis will be heavy for you, you’ll rather do it solo than do it with someone who’ll probably slack off and leave you to do all the work. 

The professor dismissed the class. Everyone was scurrying on their desk, eager for lunch while you took your time putting down your things inside your bag, even grabbing your phone to check any message from your friends that you didn’t notice the figure approaching you.

“Y/n hey,” you felt someone tapping you back and as you turned around, you saw Heeseung standing in front of you. You only stared at him and his boyish smile while his hands were in his slack’s pockets. His backpack swinging on his right arm while he had his hairstyle like he just messily brushed it using his hand and yet, it doesn’t look like a mess. 

God, you always forgot how handsome Heeseung was up close, but that's not what you had in your mind right now. 

“Hi,” you said, barely audible. Confusion got into you since this is the first time Heeseung approached you. 

“Can we be partners for the project?” he asked, and it took you a minute to process what he just said. 

“Why?” you immediately blurted out, hopefully it didn’t come as offensive as you intended it to be. Just surprised.

“Well, you’re the only one I’m kinda close with here,” Heeseung pointed out, and that made you confused. “And you’re good at this kind of project.”

Now the second sentence made sense. “Lee Heeseung, I’m not going to carry your ass in this project.”

Heeseung’s eyes widened, “wait, that’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is that I trust you not to give us low grades, we’ll work together of course.” 

You only blinked. Together. For the years you and Heeseung had been classmates, this is probably the first time you and Heeseung become partners for a project. Sometimes, you two do end up in a group but this one’s different. It’s just going to be the two of you. Alone. And the fact that he asked you to be his partner had your heart going crazy. 

“You can’t do it alone? Like, genuinely?” you asked once again. 

Heeseung looks away embarrassed, “have you seen me reading a whole novel? I’ll doze off before I can go to the second page. Plus I think two heads are better than one.” 

You looked away. A part of you is panicking inside. Screaming “Emergency!” the more you interact with him, the more you’re going to be convinced that he’s reachable. But another part of you is screaming, “go get that bag!” this is your chance! You shouldn’t turn it down. 

“Fine. This one’s a month-long project, the deadline is during the examination period but I prefer passing it a week before our exam so that I can focus on my other subjects,” you explained. “Is that okay with you?”

In the end, your crush on him is bigger than your rationality. Brain short-circuiting and just convincing yourself that this is a good idea. 

“All good for me — oh right, we have a band practice in your house later after class, we can meet up there so that we can choose what novel we are going to analyse and distribute the task, how’s that sounds?” he suggested. 

See this is why Heeseung is such a dream guy. He knows how to balance his academics, even with the hectic basketball practice and band practice, he can still find time to prioritise his studies and even acing it out. 

You hate that he’s so admirable yet out of your reach, and even though he’s standing in front of you, asking you to be his project partner, you can still feel the barrier between the two of you. 

“Fine, but I might go home a bit late, I have dinner with my friends.” that was the only thing that you said before grabbing your bag. “Is there anything else that you need?”

“Nothing else, I got the instructions on my notes too. So, see you later?” Heeseung smiles. 

“See you later Heeseung,” you only said, trying your best to act nonchalantly even though your heart’s going to explode any minute.

“Oh right, eat well! Bye!” and with that, Heeseung leaves you alone there standing, caught-off guard with his words. 

What the actual fuck. You cursed internally. His words loop in your mind until you’ve met with your friends. 

“Eat well!? Girl! You should eat a lot, not spend your lunch with iced coffee!” your best friend Karina, shrieks. 

The three of you are at some small coffee shop outside Decelis for lunch. Of course, you’ll have to report your interaction with Heeseung to your friends, who were almost celebrating because of it.

“If he says that to you, then he should’ve given you money to buy your lunch so that you’ll eat well,” Yunah added, almost laughing. 

“Stop it guys, you two are being too loud,” you said in defeat, but the faint blush on your cheeks gives off the fact that you were flustered. “Okay fine, I’ll buy a sandwich and fries.” 

“Oh Heeseung’s impact~ I mean if my crush told me that, I’ll buy myself food too,” Karina teases.

You could only roll your eyes in annoyance. Standing up from your seat to buy some food for you — and not because Heeseung told you to eat well, but because you know that iced coffee wouldn’t suffice. 

You returned to your table with a tray of selected savory breads instead. Karina and Yunah are still eyeing you teasingly, which makes you cautious all of the sudden. 

“Have you ever thought about why he approached you to become his partner for the project?” Yunah asked. 

“He did say I’m the only one he’s closed with in our section,” you explained. 

“Close? Since when are you guys close? He’s much closer to Jungwon than you,” Karina rebutted.

Karina wasn’t lying. You and Heeseung aren't close. He’s the only one you interacted the least out of Arcanum. And whenever you think about it, it’s probably because your romantic crush on him makes him intimidating to you. 

“Okay? Well at least we know each other?” you weren’t sure why Heeseung did approach you, and you were holding yourself to not jump into any other conclusions. “It’s just a project guys, it’s not like he’s asking me out on a date.”

“See, what if that project of yours will lead to that conclusion —”

“You guys got to stop feeding into my delusions, I’m still not going to date him, he’s Jungwon’s friend,” 

“And if he doesn’t?” Karina asked. 

“I told you guys this about a hundred times, Heeseung’s not looking for a relationship at the moment, means he’s not serious about commitments, while I prefer committed relationship,” you explained further. 

“Okay and? You might be the girl that’ll make him commit,” Yunah added. 

“Guys oh my god, stop enabling me! You two are just making it worse!” you frustratedly laughed, making the two of them laugh. 

“But I’m still suspicious about Heeseung, you need to update us girl!” Karina eagerly said. “My bet is that Heeseung does have other intentions on approaching you,”

“This is nothing guys, I swear.” you casually said to them, even though deep inside you wanted to trust your friends’ words. Because, what if really? There’s a reason why Heeseung approached you all of the sudden?

The remaining afternoon classes went on. Reports, lessons, and recitations were done with ease even though you almost dozed off in one subject. The afternoon slowly darkens, with the orange sky welcoming you as you step outside your department building. 

You’ve met up with Karina and Yunah to have early dinner at a small local eatery outside Decelis University. The sun had completely set but the three of you remained at the eatery, spending a few hours gossiping and talking shit about your classmates. Later then, you three decided to leave the place and opt for frozen yoghurt as dessert. 

Yunah bid goodbye first, since her dormitory is just nearby the yoghurt place. While you and Karina walked towards the bus stop since she lives an hour away from Decelis. Conversations never stop until your friend’s bus arrives. You hugged her goodbye and as you watched the bus leave, that was your cue to go home. 

Your home, the house that you grew up in, is located just a few blocks away from Decelis. Your parents were always away due to their job, rarely home only during important events like holidays or graduations, that’s why you’ve grown accustomed to its silence. Back when you were kids, you had servants attending you but now that you and Jungwon are old enough, it has always been the two of you now, learning independence while your parents aren’t around. 

As you reached the front door of your house, you could already hear the faint sounds of their instruments, you glanced at your watch and noticed that it’s already seven-thirty in the evening, which means that they had started practice an hour ago. They’ll finish it around nine but that doesn’t mean they’ll be going home by that time. Sometimes they would play games or have snacks, either way, you’re used to it. 

You open the door quietly enough to not disturb them, removing your shoes and placing it on the racks near the doorway before you make your entrance. 

They continued practicing but all eyes darted on you, making you walk faster. A few nods and soft “hi” and “hello” were exchanged as you passed by them. It has become a usual scenario wherever you go home by the time they’re practicing, you’ll greet them out of decency.

You’re careful not to disturb them in their practice, that’s why you’re always in your room whenever they’re practicing. They do sometimes ask you to join them for dinner, which you’ll gladly do for free food. Usually, you’ll just sit there and listen to their conversation, but most of the time, they do include you in their talk. Jay and Sunghoon, being the most talkative, made you comfortable around them. 

“Noona, we have pizzas on the dining table!” Jungwon shouted, not even stopping from playing the drums. 

“I’m already full! I’ll be in my room!” you shouted before going upstairs towards your room. It wasn’t that soundproof but it was muffled enough for you not to be annoyed by the noise. 

You took a short shower before changing into a fitted shirt and pajamas, wearing a zipped jacket in addition because you were feeling cold that night. As you sat on the edge of your bed, your mind was racing all of the sudden, remembering that Heeseung was supposed to meet you tonight for the project.

Coincidentally, a knock on the door startled you, and as you opened it, Jungwon was standing in front of you. 

“Heeseung hyung is looking for you,” he said, and you can see the weird look he was giving you. Like a cat judging your whole existence.

“Did he tell you why?” you asked him.

“He said something about a project, you two were partners,” noticing the way Jungwon cringed when he said “partners.” 

“Okay, just a minute,” you grabbed your iPad and phone before going out. Patting your brother’s shoulder before you push him to start walking. You two went downstairs where the boys are on the couch, drinking some colas and eating the cold pizza. 

“Hi y/n, want some pizza?” Sunghoon offered as soon as you’re near them, but you only gave him a smile. 

“Thanks still full,” you said as you approached Heeseung who immediately darted his attention to you.

“Should we start now?” he asked, round eyes staring at you. “I’m still eating.” 

“Okay fine, why call me now then?” you crossed your arms. 

He raised the bitten pizza before giving you a smile. “Want some?”

His bandmates looked at him like they were judging his whole existence. While you only stared at him for a second before a “Huh?” escapes your lips, immediately brushing it off with a soft laugh. 

“I already told you guys, I’m still full.” you repeated. “I’ll be outside by the patio, just call me if we can start the project.” 

Heeseung watched as you went towards the hallway where the backdoor of the patio is located, his stare went for long until he felt a crumpled tissue land on his face. 

“The fuck was that?” Jungwon asked in a serious tone. 

“I’m just offering her some food,” Heeseung shrugs. “You didn’t call out Sunghoon, he’s the first one to offer.”

“Well, if you had known that I offered her first, you wouldn’t have offered either,” Sunghoon rebutted. 

“Maybe she’ll eat it if I’m the one who offered her food.” The vocalist said so casually that it made his bandmates laugh. 

“Wow, that’s rich coming from you,” Jay taunted. “You guys aren’t even that close.” 

“Yeah, that’s why it’s okay if I offer her pizza, we’re close,” Sunghoon added, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Stop talking about my sister like I’m not here,” the youngest groans. “Really, hyungs, not only you, Heeseung hyung. Seriously —”

“Don’t date your sister, we know Jungwon, that’s like the first thing you said during our first practice in your house,” Jay answered. 

“And you have nothing to worry about? I’m literally engaged while Jay’s still yearning for that mystery girl of his.” Sunghoon stated the obvious. 

“Okay maybe you can get worried about Heeseung,” Jay grinned. 

Heeseung immediately sat up from his seat, an awkward chuckle leaving his lips. “You don’t have to worry about me too, I am not looking for a relationship you know that.” 

“Sure Hee, whatever floats your boat,” Jay mocks. 

“Yeah sure, now if you excuse me, I’ll be going to the patio because y/n and I are going to discuss our project which is a novel analysis, and you have nothing to worry about Jungwon,” Heeseung explains, saluting mockingly to Jungwon who could only do nothing but watch his friend go towards the hallway where the backdoor was. 

“Not going to stop him?” Sunghoon teased.

“I don’t want to be that annoying brother who’s too protective,” Jungwon replied, taking a sip on his drinks. 

Jay lets out a sarcastic laughter. “You didn’t just fucking said that right now.” 

Meanwhile, you're sitting peacefully on the long couch of your patio. Reviewing the instructions given by your professor when you heard the metal door creaking. Startled, you glanced at it and saw Heeseung leaning against the doorframe. 

“So, our project?” he started, approaching you as he sat on the other chair, immediately, you fixed your position, sitting legs criss-cross as you tried to act as normal as possible even though your heart was racing, mind panicking internally. 

You couldn’t even look at him for so long that you immediately scrolled through your iPad, trying to act serious even though you're palpitating inside. Is it the iced coffee you had for lunch or just the thought that Heeseung’s sitting near you? You don’t know but it’s not helping at all.

“Right, any suggestions on the novel we will be choosing? Prof. Jeon told us we can choose any novel that we wanted as long as we were able to make a good argument about why we chose it,” you explained, still eyeing your iPad where your notes were. 

“Hmm good question, you choose our novel, I don’t even know what’s good or not,” Heeseung suggested. 

That’s when you only look at him, “Heeseung, I told you I’m not going to carry you in this project.”

A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “No, that’s not what I meant! You suggest a novel and I’m going to read it, even buy it for our project’s sake, and try my best to understand it. I’m just really not that great at this type of project so please help me with this one.”

You only blinked. Staring at him who’s pleading at you, which is funny because you never expect Heeseung — one of your department’s top students, to be failing in some areas.

“Okay but why did you even choose modern literature as an elective?” you asked suddenly confused. 

“Ran out of slots in analytical economics.” Heeseung casually said. “Come on, don’t leave me with this one y/n, I can’t fail this elective.” 

“I’m not, don't worry,” you laughed. “I’m just surprised that you’re not good at this one.” 

Heeseung chuckles because of your statement. “What? What makes you think I excel in everything?” 

You stopped for a second, “I mean — you’re one of our top students, Heeseung, that’s why.” 

“Hey, I’m not that smart, I just study hard,” Heeseung nonchalantly said. “Going back to our topic, how about we go with your favorite novel?”

“Okay, no need to flaunt it,” you sarcastically remarked. “My favorite novel? It’s The Virgin Suicides.”

“Does this involve actions and stuff?” 

You laugh at his words. “You really think a novel titled ‘The Virgin Suicides’ involves actions and stuff?” 

“I’m just kidding! Watch the movie and sure, let’s go with that one.”

A chuckle of disbelief escapes your lips, “you’ve watched the movie?”

“Hey, it’s a Sofia Coppola movie.” Heeseung pointed out. 

“So you’re a cinephile of sorts? Is your favorite movie American Psycho or some 1980s Korean independent film that has low budget but great cinematography?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes I do love watching movies but no, my favorite movie is Toy Story 3.” 

Another laughter escapes your mouth, hearing Heeseung’s laughter made you forget the reason why you two were at that patio. You don’t know whether to believe his words or not, but hearing his soft laughter just made the butterflies in your stomach flutter so hard that you’re trying your best to conceal the fleeting feeling. 

With the cold breeze of the summer night, along the thousands of stars in the night sky, made the atmosphere lighter. Brighter along with the soft yellow lights around your patio. Heeseung’s smile never left as he stared at you, which made your smile turn into a thin line. 

So, this is what talking to your ultimate crush feels like. You thought. And for a moment, your heart stopped, realizing that this is too good to be true — making you snap from reality. That’s why you diverted back to the reason why you and Heeseung are talking in the first place. 

Going back to your meeting, you two equally divided the parts. The project seems to be lighter now that your task has been divided. Heeseung suggested that you two should brainstorm after finishing the novel, which you mindlessly nodded, jotting down the deadlines you two made so that you can finish the project in no time. 

“You know it’ll be interesting if we compare the movie adaptation to the novel,” Heeseung suggested as the two of you decided to finish the meeting. Going inside your house, but stopping midway in the hallway. 

“You’re really dedicating your time for this project huh?” you teased. “I mean I don’t mind at all.”

“Oh great! We should watch it together, what do you think?”

“What —” you were caught-off guard. Did Heeseung just ask you to watch it together with him?

You became quiet for a moment. Recalling your friend’s words — how Heeseung has other intentions on why he approached you for the project. Is this the reason? You’ve got to be kidding because why would Heeseung ask you to watch The Virgin Suicides with him? For a project that’s only a novel analysis? There’s got to be another reason why. 

But from the moment you were too quiet, too deep in your thoughts, a loud clearing of the throat snapped you out. You glanced and saw Jungwon raising an eyebrow at the two of you. 

“Jay hyung and Sunghoon hyung had left a while ago,” Jungwon stated. “They said you’re taking your time with y/n.”

“Ah shit, now I have to commute back home,” Heeseung groans. “Sorry Won, we just want to make sure our project’s perfect and organized.”

Jungwon only shrugs before glancing at you — that’s when you remembered.  

“I’m okay with it, let’s just do it after finishing the novel,” you answered Heeseung. “I think that concludes everything about our project.”

“Yeah sure, well thanks for your time y/n. I have to go now before Jungwon kicks me out,” Heeseung laughs. 

“I really am about to,” Jungwon said with a glare. 

Heeseung gives you a small smile and wave before walking towards Jungwon who only followed his friend, leaving you standing there, heart bursting out any moment. 

You could only curse internally. You didn’t just fucking spent a few hours with your ultimate crush alone in your patio. God, your preconceived notion of him being everyone’s dream guy with all the brains and charisma is the tip of the iceberg. He just happens to be pathetic in some areas but at the same time, still knows the littlest details in niche topics. You want to curse the gods because why would they create such an ideal man but make him unreachable for you. 

You could only stomp your feet out of frustration before calming yourself for a minute. Taking deep breaths, you decided to call it night, leaving the hallway and going upstairs when midway, your younger brother called you, watching him climb the stairs before standing next to you. 

“So, you and Heeseung hyung —”

“Are partners for our elective project, nothing more, nothing less,” you replied immediately. “It’s normal Won, we’re classmates remember.”

“Just reminding you noona, about our agreement,” Jungwon heaves out a sigh. “Don’t want you to fall for Heeseung hyung, he kinda tends to give girls mixed signals.” 

“Funny that you’re saying that when he’s a friend of yours,” you pointed out. 

“He knows it himself too,” Jungwon shrugs.

“Don’t worry about it Won, I don’t think Heeseung finds me attractive though.” you answered, thinking that Arcanum sees you as ‘Jungwon’s older sister.’ 

“Hey! You’re pretty, what on earth are you talking about?” your younger brother immediately replied, seeing him all worked-up, you could only laugh as you pat his shoulders.

“You’re just saying that because we’re siblings,” you teased. “You don’t have to worry about anything Won, this is just a project. Okay, I’m kinda tired now, so let’s just go to sleep.” 

The two of you went upstairs together, saying goodnight to each other before proceeding to go to each other’s room. The beaming silence makes you lost in your thoughts. You made your way towards your bed and as you lay down there, clutching on your iPad, the smile on your face never faded, heck it even grew wider at the thought that you have reasons to grow closer with Heeseung. 

Of course, it’s still under the disguise of the fact that you two were project partners, but it’s a way to show to you that Heeseung is, somehow, reachable. 

-

The next few weeks were nothing but a fast forward in your life. 

You continue going on with your routine, with one sudden turn — the novel rests idly inside your bag. Rereading it for the project, and as you turn every page you wonder about your partner. 

It halted to you that everything was actually for project purposes. You and Heeseung remained the same. The barrier between the two of you going back to the same height and him returning to your unreachable category — and you were okay with it, no more heart burns and an imaginative mind clouding your delusional self.

Of course, Heeseung continued coming over to your place. Their band practices went normal where you would just greet them with short conversations before you lock yourself in your room. No more private conversations and such, you can tell that Jungwon felt at ease, thinking what you and Heeseung had is just some academic collaboration. 

But by the end of the week, you were surprised when Heeseung approached you. 

“I’m like halfway through the novel and there’s a lot of scenes that were so important but weren't included in the film, we need to brainstorm that.” Heeseung told you.

“I thought you'd be the type to doze off before proceeding to the next page?” you teased. 

“Well I need to lock in because I’m required to read it, but it's an interesting novel though,” he replied. 

And just when you thought you'd be at peace. Heeseung asked you for a short brainstorming. “Alright, you choose when and what time since you’re the busy one here.”

“I’m thinking Saturday, it’s my free day. I literally just sleep and play the whole day, so I wouldn’t mind spending my free day with you.” 

You tried your best to ignore his words. Cursing him internally because why does he always catch you off guard? You let out an awkward chuckle before glancing at him. “Okay, Saturday — wait, this Saturday right?”

Heeseung only nods. “Cool — uhm, what time and where?”

“Wait, how about we exchange numbers? So that we can contact each other.” 

Woah. This is going to be the end of you. Lee Heeseung asking for your number? Now that’s a reach. You mindlessly nod, letting out a squeaky “sure” before grabbing your phone for him to type his number — same goes with him on your phone. 

“There, I even put my photo there too,” Heeseung laughs, giving you back your phone. 

“You’re fast, I would’ve put a meme photo on your contact list.” you only replied as you gave him back his phone. You glanced at his contact number wherein his selfie is already plastered on his contact photo. You can tell that he just took the photo just now and why the hell does he know his angle? Now you’re just frustrated because he’s too good with everything he does. 

“You didn’t put a photo of yours,” Heeseung said, looking at the dull contact. “Come on, I’ll take a picture of you.”

And as if his words were like a spell, you only smiled in front of him as you held out a small peace sign. Heeseung smiles as he captures the photo, saving it as your contact photo. 

“Cute, now, we match,” Heeseung flaunts his contact photo on you, which only made you chuckle. Trying so hard not to give his words meaning. 

“Just tell me the details Heeseung, see you on Saturday,” you told him. “I have to go now, my friends are waiting for me.”

“See you! Stay safe!” he said, waving lightly as you left. 

You wanted to scream. Really, you’re internally screaming. You need a pillow where you can muffle your screams but the only thing you could do is cover your face with your hands as you scream. Both Karina and Yunah looked at you teasingly as you dropped on your knees inside Yunah’s dorm room. 

“No, why would he do that!? Why!?” you whined, as you dropped dead on the floor. 

“See I told you he has intentions,” Karina pointed out. 

“No! He can’t! Maybe he’s just nice —”

“Girl, are you serious? He said, and I quote “I don’t mind spending my free day with you.” and you’re going to conclude that he’s just nice!?” Yunah frustratedly shouted. 

“Let’s break it down y/n. First, he asked you to meet him on a Saturday, his supposed free day but he doesn’t mind spending it with you. Then, he asked for your number, and he fucking took a photo of you! And what did he say afterwards? You two match? What the actual fuck because the last straw was him telling you “stay safe!” if that doesn’t conclude anything other than he’s interested in you, then I don’t know why you’re so in denial about it.” Karina summarized.

You could only let out a deep sigh. Karina had summarized EVERY hint that Heeseung may be into you, not until you remember — “But Jungwon said he’s a mixed signal type of guy, I just don’t want to jump into conclusions guys,” you immediately rebutted. 

Both Yunah and Karina looked at you, a furrow of eyebrows and forehead creased before a disappointed “ahhh” escaped their lips.

“I mean, have you seen the guy? He has a natural flirty attitude! So the tendency is girls will really think that he’s interested in them — even me! But I don’t want to assume anymore but ugh!” that’s when you grabbed Yunah’s plushie and smashed your face right into it. Letting out a muffled scream for five seconds before looking at your friends once again with a pitied look. 

“We get it, your long-time crush, who you always say is unreachable suddenly became reachable midway junior year, your crash-out is valid girl,” Yunah assured. “But don’t forget to address the other problem, he’s Jungwon’s friend.”

“Fuck, I forgot that one,” you only let out a breathy laugh. “Okay, I’m calmed now. This is just a crash out, just a small vent because Heeseung approached me and asked for my number. This is nothing guys! It’s totally nothing.” 

“If he really is a mixed-signal giver, then just be careful y/n, those are the worst type of guys,” Karina huffs.

“I know, just don’t enable me anymore! You guys are at fault in this one too,” you pointed, making your best friends laugh. 

-

When Saturday arrived, you and Heeseung agreed to meet at a small coffee shop near Decelis after lunch. 

By the time you arrived at the coffee shop, you quickly noticed Heeseung near a corner. He’s reading the novel, even wearing glasses that you assumed were fake yet, it suits his visual. You only smile before walking towards him, who immediately felt your presence. 

“Hi” he greets, smiling as you sit in front of him. 

“Hi, have you ordered coffee?” you asked. 

“I did, how about you?” he asked you back.

“Maybe later, since I’m still full from lunch,” you simply said. “Should we start our brainstorming or do you want to read more pages?”

Heeseung softly chuckles, closing the book as he looks at you. “No wonder this is your favorite novel, it’s a good novel to be honest.”

A skip in your heart was all you felt when he said those words. Smiling, you said, “really?” as Heeseung continued explaining to you why he liked the novel. You only sat there, watching Heeseung ramble about the novel — your favorite novel to be exact.

You know that this is only for academic purposes but hearing Heeseung talk about “The Virgin Suicides” tugs your heart with joy. It’s your favorite novel! It felt like he was getting to know you through your favorite stuff.

“How about you? Don’t tell me, you’re not reading it anymore because you’ve read it?” Heeseung suddenly blurted out, making you laugh softly before grabbing your bag, revealing your old copy which was full of anecdotes and bookmarks. 

“Woah, that’s impressive,” he said, grabbing your copy and skimming through it. 

“I have notes and have bookmarked my favorite quote and everything, but it’s not bad to reread it again in case I missed something,” you simply shrugged. 

“Glad I chose you as my partner in this project,” Heeseung casually said and you only stared at him for a second before taking a sip on your coffee. 

“Consider yourself lucky,” you stated, trying hard to conceal your flusteredness. 

As Heeseung returned you the book, your phone suddenly started ringing. You immediately grabbed it from your bag, and saw that it was Jungwon who’s calling. 

Heeseung watched as your soft expression turned into a different one in a span of your call with Jungwon, your tone rising higher than before like you were lecturing your younger brother. He only smiled as you rolled your eyes along with your frown. 

“You owe me Jungwon,” you told your brother before ending up the call. 

“You need to go now?” Heeseung asked. 

“No, but maybe later. Jungwon and I were supposed to do groceries but he’s busy he told me, he’s going to cram a whole lesson for their quiz, and you know how he is when he’s too focused on reviewing,” you explained to Heeseung. “Now I have to go to the store alone —”

“I can come with you,” Heeseung volunteered. 

“What? No, it’s okay Hee, I’ll just book a car on the way home —” 

“Still, it’s heavy for you to carry it, come on, I don’t mind,” he insisted.

“You might end up going home late,” you rebutted, praying internally that he’d take the hint. 

“And I don’t mind at all,” Heeseung stands up from his seat, and that’s when you realise that you’re doomed. “Come on now, we managed to make progress with our project. Let’s go get those groceries.”

The supermarket is just a bus stop away from Decelis. Once you two entered the busy store, Heeseung automatically pulled a cart which made you stop, glancing at him who only gave you a smile. 

“Go on, I’ll just follow you behind,” Heeseung gestured and you only nod, going straight for the nearest aisle. 

You’re not going to give meaning to everything. You chanted internally. It’s just Heeseung accompanying you to go on your weekly groceries run, because your brother ditched you. He’s just there to accompany you. Nothing more, nothing less. 

But curse the movies and novels because you know groceries. They’re sweet and cute, and have a touch of domesticity in it. Catering to each other’s references, choosing what kind of cereal you two will buy or something. 

The thought of you doing groceries with Heeseung had your imagination go so creative that you almost bumped to the fruit stand. If it wasn’t Heeseung who pulled you immediately, you would’ve knocked down the pyramid of oranges. 

“Careful there,” Heeseung laughs. “Going to buy some fruits?”

“Maybe some bananas since Jungwon likes snacking on them — oh, strawberries too.” you awkwardly walked away from his touch and proceeded to the selection of fruits, eyeing on the fresh looking ones. 

Heeseung could only stare at you as your brows furrowed, grabbing every container, staring at it for every second before moving on to another. It wasn’t until you picked the best and proceeded to the other section. 

He follows you quietly. Watching you grab some products as the cart started to become halfway full, and you two haven’t gone to the other sections. Heeseung silently observes you as you mumble some words like how you’ll probably cook the chicken by Thursday, or you need this ingredient. 

Now, he understands why Jungwon still depends on you even though their drummer tends to have a matured streak. His older sister is reliable, and he thinks that that’s admirable of you. 

“You’re taking these groceries seriously,” Heeseung blurted out, snapping your thoughts. That’s when you realized that you spent a few minutes walking around and picking up products while Heeseung only followed you behind, pushing the cart for you. 

“Sorry, I’m not really fun to be with, especially in a grocery store,” you apologetically replied. 

“It’s not like that, but you look cute to look at,” Heeseung pointed out. “You’re pouting too much just staring at what kind of tofu are you going to buy.”

A faint blush rushed over your cheeks, you awkwardly laughed as you looked away from him. “Just a habit — come on now, I know you’re dying to go to the snacks section.”

As the two of you went through the snacks section, you skimmed around the aisles of chips, grabbing your favorite along with Jungwon’s. As you returned to Heeseung, you noticed how he sneaked in some snacks for him, while he innocently looked away.

You only smiled as you placed down the chips, “fine, I’ll buy it for you Heeseung.”

“Wait, I’m going to pay you with cash,” Heeseung argued, grabbing his wallet when you stopped him.

“A compensation for accompanying me,” you rebutted. “So that you have your own chips in our house.”

Heeseung only has an embarrassed look on his face as he grabs another one. “Fine, but I’ll add another one.”

You two were able to finish the groceries after a half an hour, paying it with the credit card your parents left. Now, the two of you are by the small food court beside the supermarket, buying some snacks for the two of you. 

“This is nice,” Heeseung said. The bowl of instant ramen is warm in front of him as he blows off some steam before eating it. 

“You’re much more patient than Jungwon,” you replied, taking a small bite on the fish cake. “I always wanted to try the snacks here, but Jungwon would prefer going home after.”

“Then next time you go buy your groceries, text me so I can accompany you again,” Heeseung suggested. 

“You’re just here for the free snacks.” you jokingly said.

“That, and I don’t mind accompanying you.” Heeseung rebutted. “Something about doing groceries feels nice, not gonna lie.”

Who would’ve thought? Lee Heeseung doesn’t mind doing groceries with you? The thought sounds nice — sweet if you’re being exaggerated. Heeseung helped in placing the products inside the box, even carrying the box so that you wouldn’t lift a finger. But you know that this is just a one time thing. Jungwon will kill both of you if he discovers that Heeseung accompanied you to do groceries.

-

A few days had passed and your progress in the project was halfway done. Just a little smoothing on the analysis and adaptation comparison (which wasn't from the instructions but you and Heeseung put it in in hopes of gaining additional points.), and you can pass the project even earlier than you two had scheduled. 

Heeseung’s analysis and reports were on spot. No need for you to revise since it was clear and concise, and you’re glad that you agreed to become his partner. You weren’t stressed throughout the paper, making you admire Heeseung for his dedication in the project. 

Now, you’re sitting on your couch, biting on your nails as you remember that today was the day that you’re half-anticipating, half-dreading for — your movie screening with Heeseung. 

Considering that you’re just doing it in the abode of your home, and considering that you two are just project partners who insisted on watching the movie together, you call it a movie screening rather than a date. (and you consider that your younger brother might join in case something happens between you and Heeseung — which, your very imaginative mind shouldn’t have clouded your thoughts but anyway.) 

A ring on the doorbell startled you, almost tripping as you tried to put on your house slippers. As you opened the door, there stood Heeseung in his glory, wearing his department jacket with a fitted sleeveless shirt underneath that hugged his leaned body. Not to mention, those baggy denim pants and cool sneakers.

Your first thought is why he’s overdressed for a movie screening but fucking hell, he’s so handsome that your mind short-circuited especially when he’s holding a helmet. Did he just drive all the way here using his motorbike? God forbids Lee Heeseung to be ten times more attractive than what you’ve thought. 

“Come in,” you said in a quiet yet high-pitched tone that as Heeseung passed by, you physically cringed because of it. 

“So, are you ready for some movie date?” Heeseung asked, slumping on the couch comfortably. 

It’s a movie screening. A movie screening, not a date. This doesn’t look like a date — “of course! Just open the tv, I already selected it there. I’ll just go get some snacks.” you said, going towards the kitchen where your stock was.

“Need help?” Heeseung asked.

“No thanks! You’re a guest, make yourself comfortable!” you answered, because deep inside you’re about to burst any moment.

What the hell. Of course, Heeseung doesn’t know how to take a hint because he stood up from the couch like the gentleman he is and followed you towards the kitchen. You let him wander around as you placed the microwaveable popcorn inside the microwave, and while waiting, you opened your fridge to grab a few drinks for the two of you. Placing it on the tray as Heeseung found the pantry of snacks. 

“Hey, my snacks are still here,” he laughed, grabbing the bag of chips and sweets you bought for him last week.

“You didn’t eat it when you had practice here?” you asked. 

“I told myself I’ll just eat it during our movie date,” Heeseung casually said, and you are holding yourself back from asking him why he keeps on saying that this is a date.

Mixed signals. Mixed signals! Heeseung probably didn’t mean it. You gave him an awkward smile before shifting your attention towards the microwave where just in time, had just finished cooking the popcorn. 

“Heeseung hyung? You’re here?” the two of you stopped when a familiar voice echoed inside the kitchen.

“We’re going to watch a movie for our project,” Heeseung casually said. “Wanna watch it with us?”

As you turn around, Jungwon gives you a knowing look. The “our agreement, don’t forget.” look and you only gave him a nod as he glanced back at his friend. 

“No thanks, you guys enjoy it though — hyung what I told you!” Jungwon warns once again, making Heeseung chuckle. 

“I know dude, calm down,” then, he looks at you. “Let’s go?”

As the two of you arrived at the living room, you two opted to sit on the long couch — sitting on both ends of the couch. You relaxed your legs on the extension of the couch, hugging the throw pillow while Heeseung had his legs sprawled on the space between the two of you. 

Jungwon passes by, glancing at the two of you, contended that you two are a few feet apart, he returns to his room and that was your cue. You grabbed the remote and clicked play, the sound of the movie slipping through the speaker, and there, the two of you watched in peace. 

For the duration of the movie, you two were too immersed with it. Only eating the snacks as both of you were too focused on the scenes, trying to understand the plot and narration, especially since both of you know that the movie’s adaptation is far from the novel. 

“I hate Trip,” Heeseung suddenly blurted out midway through the movie. You only glanced at him, clutching the pillow you were holding. “He’s such an asshole, leaving Lux on the field alone? That’s so sick.” 

“All of the guys are assholes,” you explained. “They don’t even know these girls, they just fantasized about them.”

“Yeah that too, but Trip’s the most jerk out of all of them,” Heeseung laughs. “After stealing Lux’ virginity, he immediately dropped her.”

“All guys do that,” you bitterly said. 

Heeseung didn’t say a word, immediately catching your bitter tone. He glances at you as you munched a few chips to ease the tension. 

“You don’t have to answer it but…saying from your experience?” he asked, body shifting to face you. 

“My ex-boyfriend he…it was after prom too, everything was special and wholesome — from what I feel, then a few weeks later he broke up with me,” you laughed bitterly. “But that was back in high school, I shouldn’t have dated high school guys, they’re immature and horny.” 

“Woah, that’s shitty of him,” Heeseung could only say. “Does he study here?”

“Why? Are you going to hunt him down? He went overseas, and don’t worry, Jungwon gave him a punch and kick in the shin,” you laughed.

“Is that why Jungwon’s so protective of you?” Heeseung asked out of the blue. 

“Half of it is the reason why,” you answered. “My ex was already a walking red flag before we got together, Jungwon warned me and I didn’t listen to him. So when it happened, he kinda had that ‘I told you so’ look but at the same time, he didn’t push it. Simply because I was really hurt at that time.”

Heeseung nods, watching as you shrug with your words, like you’re over it.

“I mean Jungwon’s not that overprotective at all. He’s not the ‘they have to go through me’ type of younger brother. He doesn’t care who I date but because of my experience, I pretty much held a high standard on dating guys.” you laughed.

“Oh really?” Heeseung lazily leans on the couch. “What’s your type then?”

You blinked at his words, knowing damn well that your whole ideal type is in front of you.

“Are we really pausing the movie midway for that question?”

“Come on, in exchange I’ll tell you my type,” he bargained.

Now you’re curious, wondering what kind of girl Heeseung wants, so you bite on it. 

“Okay, I want someone taller than me — that’s the only physical trait that I want. He’s got to be smart and handsome because Jungwon will judge me if I date an ugly and stupid guy. What else? I prefer a straightforward guy because mixed signals are shitty, I don’t want to waste my time overthinking your words.” you replied. 

You saw Heeseung's expression shift when you mention ‘straightforward guys.’ His jaw slacking before quipping a small smile before he spoke, “that’s all?”

“Do you want it to be really specific? Like he’s good at cooking or what type of sport he plays? I don’t go there, just be genuine and straightforward with your feelings for me, and we’re good.” you brushed off. “So, your type?”

“My type?” Heeseung ponders it for a moment, before glancing at you, his stare on you was too long but he doesn’t notice it — but you do. “Probably someone who’s mature and independent, but not too distant that she’s not open about her feelings. You get it right? I don’t mind their physical appearance. I just don’t want girls who are too clingy that it’s suffocating but at the same time, I still want them to be affectionate to me.” 

Not what you expected. Most boys would describe their ideal firstly by their physical appearance. Some want short girls, long hair or short hair, even the skin complexion. While Heeseung’s ideal type doesn’t rely on those, you can still conclude that his standards are high. 

“Sounds like your dream girl needs to be invented in a lab.” you teased. “Have you ever thought that maybe your dream girl is one of the girls you’ve rejected?”

“I know this kinda sounds egoistic but most girls, those who would confess their love to me, they sometimes just like the idea of being with me, Lee Heeseung. Most of them really don’t know who I really am and wouldn’t bother knowing me.”

And to think that you’re one of them gave you a hint of guilt. You have a lot of preconceived notions about Heeseung, assuming that he’s this dreamy guy that’s charismatic and everything. But with the small interactions that you had with him, you slowly realized that he’s more than what you thought. 

A small smile escapes your lips as you shift your attention to the paused screen of your tv, grabbing the remote and fiddling with it as the awkward silence hovered between the two of you. 

“So you’re just like the Lisbon sisters?” you gawked, and Heeseung stared at you for a second before bursting out into fits of laughter. 

“You have your way with words y/n,” Heeseung stated. “But you could say something like that — except the suicide part because my parents are actually decent people who wouldn’t put me on house arrest.” 

You two continued watching the movie. Both falling into a tranquil silence until the end of the movie. The ending credits were rolling but neither of you moved. That’s when you grabbed your phone to check what time it was — it was almost eight in the evening. 

“Great movie,” Heeseung started. “Cut out a lot of scenes from the novel, but Coppola managed to retain the whole vibe of the novel.” 

“I think our project will be successful, given that you had a lot of things to say, I feel like Mr. Jeon should give us additional points if we exceed his maximum number of pages.” you jokingly pointed out. 

“Hey, I’m sure you have much more to add to our project than I do,” Heeseung assured. “Either way, we’re a great team don’t you think?” 

Heeseung raises his hands, smiling at you who didn’t sink in what to do first. Not until Heeseung waves his hands one more time before you clasp his hands, shaking it as both smiles become wide. You didn’t miss the way Heeseung’s hands squeezed your hands lightly before letting it go. 

“We have a week before our agreed deadline, let’s get this done so that we can focus on our midterms,” Heeseung said, standing up from his seat. “I should get going now, Jungwon might wonder why I’m still around.” 

You only laughed as you stood up to walk him towards the door. “I enjoyed the movie Heeseung, take care on the way home.” 

But what surprised you is Heeseung suddenly brushed the stray hairs that almost covered your face, smiling as his hands linger near your cheeks a bit longer than you expected. 

“Goodnight y/n, I enjoyed the movie too,” Heeseung smiles. 

You watch as Heeseung hops onto his motorbike, waving at you before starting its engine and driving away. You stood there speechless in front of your doorway that you didn’t even notice that Jungwon had witnessed the scene. 

So when you turned around, you were surprised when you made eye contact with your younger brother. 

“Have you been there the whole time?” you asked, heart beating fast like you were a deer caught in the headlight. 

“No, I just got down,” Jungwon lied instead. “Heeseung hyung went home now?”

“Yeah — he just did,” you said, almost stumbling to your words. “It’s almost late, do you want to eat dinner or —”

“I’m curious, with the way Heeseung hyung acts around you, have you ever thought of having a crush on him?” Jungwon said, and that made your world stop. 

Were you that obvious? There’s no way Jungwon was able to catch it but then again, this is Jungwon we’re talking about. Your younger brother who’s observant and quick to pick up things. He’s the only person that knows you damn well.

“Why would you think of that?” you immediately asked instead.

“I mean, he’s a guy, he’s also handsome and how he acts — as a girl, have you?” and relief was all you could feel because Jungwon wasn't able to pick it up. 

“Jungwon, whenever I see Heeseung, I see him as your friend, and we’ve said it many times, it’s weird to date your friends.” you answered quickly, since it has always been your excuse. 

“Well, if he wasn’t my friend?” Jungwon asked, crossing his arms.  

You raised an eyebrow, now there’s a sudden change in Jungwon’s tone. Like he was asking you hypothetically. “Where is this going Won?”

“Nothing nothing,” Jungwon said, shaking his head as he headed towards the kitchen, with you following him behind. “You two have been close lately, that’s why. I’ve already told you about Heeseung hyung.”

“And I’m not going to give meaning to everything he does,” you assured, pinching your brother’s cheeks which made him scowl. “I’m not that stupid girl anymore Won.”

Despite internally, you were celebrating every interaction you had with Heeseung, you know that you’ll never have a chance with Heeseung. 

You can only hold on to the fact that Heeseung may be considered reachable in your sort. But of course, just like your other crushes, whatever you feel about Heeseung was just a crush. A fleeting feeling of admiration along with the butterflies in your stomach. Nothing more, because the deeper your feelings may go for him — it’ll just end up hurting you. 

-

You submitted your project just a few days before your planned deadline. Everything was perfect for you and Heeseung. The flow of the paper was readable, arranged properly with a clear analysis of the novel. Light revisions were made before passing it to Prof. Jeon. Your professor was impressed that you two were able to pass it earlier compared to others. Making you two confident that you’ll receive a passing grade from it.

But submitting the project also means that there’s no reason for you to approach Heeseung. But you find that situation better than getting closer than him. It’ll just save you from falling from him deeper. No more crash outs, no more venting of feelings, and assuming that everything Heeseung does has meaning —

“Hey, you’re going to that art exhibit?” Heeseung approaches you suddenly.

You glanced at him twice before your mouth moved, “wait, the one from Prof. Lee’s subject?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s voluntary but you’re interested in art right? I remember you told me that one time.” 

You couldn’t even recall when you told him that. Was it when you two were on your ride home from your groceries? Or was it when you two were discussing your novel analysis but got segue midway? Either way, you found yourself surprised to hear that from Heeseung. He remembered something that you’ve mentioned. 

“Oh — well, I do of course,” you stuttered. “Why?”

“Let’s go together? I also wanted to see it, they seem interesting,” Heeseung casually said. 

“Right, Saturday?” you asked. 

“Saturday afternoon? I’ll see you at the museum? Or should I just pick you up?” 

And let Jungwon see the two of you? “No, let’s just meet at the museum, around three?”

“Sounds great, see you!” Heeseung waves goodbye to you and you almost melt from where you were standing. 

Who would’ve thought that after the project. Heeseung will still find a way to approach you. Should you give a meaning to this one? Because there’s no way in hell that he asked you to go see an exhibit that is voluntary, on a Saturday, as what? As friends? You don’t even know if you could consider him as your friend. 

You tried to conceal your beating heart, but anytime it’s going to burst out at any moment. You wanted to go to an empty, hollow place and scream into the void, because as much as you want to deny it, you couldn’t help to conclude that you’re going out with Heeseung, alone, with no Yang Jungwon watching you two like a hawk. 

Yet, the thought of Heeseung being Jungwon’s friend was thrown out of the window the moment Saturday arrived. You stood there outside the entrance of the museum. Your hands clammy and sweaty as you stood there awkwardly, internally cursing yourself for arriving ten minutes earlier than your agreed time. 

You were wearing a white maxi skirt, pairing it with a baby tee and thin cardigan, not your usual get-up but you wanted to at least look decent in front of Heeseung. The art exhibit was located inside the museum of the art. It’s an exhibit dedicated to children’s rights. They displayed hundreds of drawings and paintings drawn by kids alongside important and historical paintings. 

Your professor, Ms. Lee was an advocate, that’s why she encouraged your class to visit the exhibit. While you’re thinking of going there along with your friends — Heeseung approached you first. 

Speaking of Heeseung, your eyes landed on him who’s walking towards you. The smile on his face widening as he stood in front of you. He was wearing a long-sleeved buttoned shirt, tucked in front of his washed denim pants. Some silver jewellery on his hands and neck, and to compliment it all, he was wearing his fake eyeglass with his hair bangs down.

“You look beautiful,” Heeseung started, and that’s when your heart started to beat rapidly.

“Thanks, you look good too,” you complimented him back. “Should we go inside?” 

The two of you made its way inside the entrance. Signing up for the exhibit before going inside the first room of the museum. 

It was quiet, a bit cold, and there were a lot of people who came by to visit the exhibit. You and Heeseung walked side by side, stopping at every painting just to read the description, and perhaps fawn over it even though it was obvious it was a kid’s painting. Sometimes, you gawk at the historical paintings. Despite visiting the museum a couple of times, you never failed to be mesmerized by it. 

“This one’s cute,” Heeseung pointed out. It was a painting of a kid’s pet — obviously, it looked like a monster rather than a dog. 

You stifle a laugh as Heeseung glances at you with a confused look. “Why? Did I say something wrong?”

“Nothing, you seem to be enjoying this one,” you pointed out. 

“You think I’m not the type of guy who would go to museums or some art gallery?” Heeseung asked. “Guess you don’t know me at all.” 

You became quiet for a minute, “I actually don’t, I’m surprised you agreed to come with me here.”

“Couldn’t miss the opportunity, it’s great to see kid’s scribbles beside historical paintings,” Heeseung laughs. 

“You seem fond of kids,” you told him. 

“That’s why I chose education, I always wanted to teach kids. I know they’re hyper and loud, but better to teach the alphabet than high school chemistry,” Heeseung explained. 

“Oh so education has always been your first choice?” you asked, surprised. 

“What? Surprised that a guy like me actually wanted to become a teacher? Yeah, a lot of people say that.”

“I don’t know, I’m just used to education students who weren't accepted to their first choice so they ended up choosing it,” Heeseung glances at you and you give him a smile. “I know because education wasn’t my first choice.”

“Wait right there, what?” Heeseung asked, surprised. “Not gonna lie, you give off the vibe of a girl who wanted to become a teacher.”

“I was planning on taking architecture but I failed the drawing test, so here I am,” you simply shrugged. “But I learned to love education too, so don’t come at me mr. education is my first choice.”

A small chuckle escapes on Heeseung’s lips, “I guess we really don’t know each other that well.”

“Right.” you only said. Realizing that you two are still on that stage where you two aren’t friends, but aren’t more than that — acquaintance? Maybe you’ll put you two in that category. Contended with that conclusion, you hum lightly as you shift your attention towards the paintings. 

The two of you continued walking around the room. You were simply amazed at the historical paintings but it’s funny seeing a six-years-old’s painting of her family beside it. But you can only feel nothing but small jumps of joy looking at it. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, seems to be more immersed in the gallery than you. Eyeing on every display the museum has. Laughing at some kid’s painting but at the same time, cooing at it. Finding it precious and innocent for him. 

As the two of you moved to the second room, only a few people were there. There weren’t any kid’s paintings anymore, only artifacts and displays but you and Heeseung decided to completely tour around the museum. 

“Why don’t you ask me a question?” Heeseung blurted out of nowhere. 

“What for?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, we don’t know each other very well,” Heeseung stated. “And you seem to have a lot of misinterpreted impressions about me.”

“Sounds like you just wanted to talk about you,” you grinned. 

“No, this is like, twenty questions. After you ask a question, I ask you a question back,” he said. 

“Alright,” you hum, thinking of what’s a decent question to ask him. “Will you still continue performing after graduation? You seem like you really wanted to become a teacher.” 

“Big question already? That’s hard,” for a minute Heeseung pondered about it, glancing at every display before looking at you. “I don’t mind, actually it depends on the others. Jay and Sunghoon wanted to, Jungwon isn’t still quite sure especially since he’s a year below us. We’ll talk about it next year.” 

“I’m pretty sure that Jungwon wanted to play for the band, he loves being part of Arcanum,” you shared, making Heeseung smile.

“Okay my turn, if Jungwon didn’t establish the ‘don’t date my sister’ rule, who would you date out of all his friends?” 

You awkwardly chuckled. “Why are you asking that?” 

“I’m just curious,” Heeseung nonchalantly replied.

“Will it boost your ego if I chose you?” you teased, and Heeseung scoffed in disbelief.

“It’s a hypothetical question y/n.”

“Fine, hypothetically I’ll choose Jake.” you answered. 

Heeseung’s brows furrowed. “Jake?” 

That’s when you laugh, “What? You thought it only revolved around Arcanum? Aren’t there like seven of you?” 

“Yeah but — Jake?” His tone surprised more than ever.

“It’s a hypothetical question, Heeseung,” you grinned. “No explanations, my turn and since we’re talking about dating, why are you still single?”

“I’ll get back to you y/n, but to answer your question, I just like being single. Having a girlfriend isn’t what I have in mind right now, and I don’t do casual shits too.”

“Jungwon told me that you’re a mixed signal giver,” you snitched, and Heeseung only laughed. 

“Everyone thinks that, but trust me, I don’t leave girls hanging. I guess they just assume that my gestures have meaning to it, that’s why they think I’m into them,” Heeseung explained. “I mean if I helped you carry some heavy things, would you give meaning to it?”

It’s funny because he did accompany you to do groceries one time. “That depends, if you helped me numerous times, then I’ll give meaning to it.” 

“Yeah well some girls don’t, one time, I helped a girl cross the street one time, and she thought I liked her,” Heeseung explained. “I’m just being nice!”

You only laughed at his words. “I mean if a handsome guy helped me cross the street, I’ll assume a lot of things too.” 

Heeseung groans, “whatever, I’ll just keep rejecting them, I enjoy being single. It’s chill and no love problems, look at Jay and Sunghoon, I don’t think I can do that to myself.” 

Your smile faded. Shifting your attention towards the display. Thinking that whatever you two are doing right now is probably a friendly date.

But at the same time, this is different from him helping someone cross the street. Heeseung could’ve asked his friends to accompany him, but Heeseung asked you and that’s all because he remembered that you like art. So how can you not give meaning to it?

“Okay my turn, so why Jake?” Heeseung changes the topic. 

“You’re seriously not going to let go of that one huh?” you let out a small chuckle before letting out a sigh. 

“I don’t know, he’s the first one that came to my mind,” you simply said, and in some ways, your answer wasn’t wrong. “He’s the one I’m closest to the most, maybe that’s another reason why.”

“How come you and him are closer than you and me?” Heeseung asked. “We’ve been classmates since freshman year.”

“I think it’s pretty normal, I’m not even close with most of our classmates either,” you laughed.

“I hope we become closer after this,” Heeseung blurted out. 

You stopped midway, glancing at him who only gave you a smile. 

“You’re too obvious you want me,” you teased, joking with your words.

“What if I told you that I do, want you?” he grins, before grabbing your hand as he pulls you towards the next hall. Surprised by his answer and gesture, you remained quiet as his hand remained on your throughout the whole exhibit. 

You two decided to have dinner outside after finishing touring the museum. At a fast food chain because you were craving their burgers. You two continued the twenty questions, until it was almost late and the traffic had slowly dissolved.

By the end of the day, Heeseung drove you home, even opening the car of the passenger seat for you. You could only smile as you find not only the action sweet — but your whole day with Heeseung.

Not only that but Heeseung walked you towards the front door of your house. He watched as you pressed the doorbell, before looking at him. 

“I had so much fun today,” you told him. “Thank you Heeseung, I didn’t expect that you would remember that I’m interested in art.” 

“I pay attention to what you say, I also had fun too,” Heeseung casually said, acting like it’s nothing but for you, it meant something. 

“Goodnight Heeseung,” you waved, but before you went, Heeseung suddenly grabbed you by your shoulder. 

Surprised, you only stood there. His round eyes staring at you like he doesn’t want you to leave yet. But what surprised you the most was when he faced you towards him. 

Close. Way too close. Heeseung’s eyes never left yours. You can feel it, your cheeks heating up, your heart beating fast like crazy. You don’t know what to do as Heeseung's eyes darted to your lips before glancing back at you — like he’s asking for permission. 

But before you could utter another word, the door swung open and you almost fell flat when you pushed yourself away from Heeseung. 

“You guys think that I’m fucking stupid!?” Jungwon stood there, his tone dripping with anger as you were frozen from where you were standing. 

“Jungwon, it’s not what it looks like —”

“I told you many times, you can fool any girl that you want but not my sister!” Jungwon pushed Heeseung on the chest, but Heeseung didn't move.

“Dude calm down!” Heeseung shouted instead.

“You know it yourself that you’re not ready for a relationship then what the fuck is this? Taking her out on a date and almost kissing her? Stay the fuck away from my sister!”

But a mocking laugh escapes on Heeseung’s lips, looking at Jungwon like he was taunting the younger one. “I wouldn’t be surprised if y/n ends up being single forever, you’re scaring guys away,”

“Guys like you hyung! You’re not even that serious when it comes to love.” Jungwon pointed out, making you realise that he was right, but that doesn’t give him the right to get angry at Heeseung. 

“Jungwon, we weren’t doing anything, Stop it,” you butt in.

That’s when he darted his attention to you. “I’ve warned you about Heeseung hyung many times, but you never listen to me — you never listen!” he shouted, and hearing those words felt like you’re in high school again. Remembering how angry Jungwon was when he discovered what happened to you. 

You stood there as the disappointment in Jungwon’s face became more clear. You wanted to defend yourself when Heeseung stepped in.

“Jungwon stop that. She’s older than you, have some respect.” he stated.

“Don’t interfere hyung, this is between me and my sister.” Jungwon coldly said. 

“You’re the one who should stop. You know you’re suffocating y/n don’t you?” a taunting smile forming on his lips. “She’s her own person, and she couldn’t even move because you’re breathing under her neck.”

Jungwon didn’t say a word, he didn’t rebut Heeseung’s words because deep inside, his friend was right. Still, a pissed expression was written over the younger’s face. Shooting glares at Heeseung. 

“I’m not that stupid to hurt her Jungwon, maybe you should try trusting her instead of caging her.” Heeseung added, and you wonder what he meant when he said that. 

But you watch as Heeseung walks away. Leaving you and Jungwon alone there. Your lips were tightly sealed before your brother faced you. 

“Do you like Heeseung hyung?” Jungwon corners. “Don’t lie to me noona.”

You stared at him for a moment. Guilt rushing in you because in some angle, there’s a part of you who’s at fault. “Fine, Jungwon, I have had a crush on him since freshman year but it’s just a crush.”

Jungwon could only laugh in disbelief. “So all the times I told you to stay away from him were useless?” 

“No, because from the start, I know I never stood a chance on him,” and every word you said hurts you. “Even now, our hangouts, whatever this was, and every gesture he does, I’m not going to give meaning to it. I don’t want to make an assumption unless he really confessed to me that he likes me.”

“You’re just leading yourself to a cliff,” Jungwon raised an eyebrow. “Why would you still entertain him even though you know you don’t stand a chance. I don’t get you — both of you actually.” 

“Maybe Heeseung’s right, you should just trust me instead of caging me,” you answered instead. “I know what I am doing Jungwon, maybe you should just let me make my own choices this time.”

Jungwon stared at you for a whole minute, before heaving out a sigh. “Don’t come at me when Heeseung hyung hurts you, I’ve already warned you many times.” 

But before he could leave, you grabbed your brother by his arms. “Don’t be mad at Heeseung, I don’t want to be the reason why you two fought — or worse, Arcanum disbanding.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you even interacted with Heeseung hyung, the same goes with him.” Jungwon swatted his arms harshly, glaring at you before going inside the house.

-

Despite that night, Jungwon’s words still managed to stop whatever you and Heeseung had. 

It was weird. For the past few weeks, the two of you are always beside each other, talking about ‘The Virgin Suicides,’ getting to know each other through oddly specific details, and planning meetups casually, followed by a museum date, deeply knowing him more and almost kissing each other — then the next thing you knew, you two were back to being strangers.

Back to normal. You could say. Band practices continued in your house, tension seeping away with you giving them small greetings before going inside your room, and the way you and Heeseung ignored each other — both knew that whatever you two had was pointless.

For the past few days, there were no more Lee Heeseung approaching you and everything. And somehow, that should ease you — reminding you that he’s unreachable. 

You almost fooled yourself, but with the way Heeseung distanced himself after defending you from Jungwon, you were quick to conclude that he still respects his friend’s decision to not go near you, just like you should with dating your brother’s friend. 

And if Heeseung had distanced himself from you, so should you too. 

But somehow, you still ended up wherever he was. Now, he’s sitting in front of you, at a noisy bar, along with your classmates who were celebrating the end of midterms exam. The table is full of alcohol, different ones — beer, cocktails, tequilas, and vodkas. All assortments that will have everyone passed out drunk before the night ends. 

You have a decent alcohol tolerance, you’re not that close with most of your classmates and you don’t even like going out but here you are, because you overheard Heeseung joining the night out.

Avoiding him was the best option, you know where it all leads if you continued talking to him — Jungwon getting furious, Arcanum might disband, and hurting your own feelings. Lee Heeseung should’ve remained unreachable, but for all the times of him noticing you, flirting and almost kissing you, you want to know more. 

There’s an itch inside you that wants to confront him, and your normal self would get flustered if you approached him first. That’s why a bit of alcohol and drunkenness might help you gain the courage that you need. 

The night was still young. You can do your confrontation later but for now, you’re spending the first few hours enjoying and laughing along with your classmates, trying your best to socialize not until a classmate of yours raises her glass. 

“Let’s play, truth or shot!” Sieun suggested. Because all of you are seated at a long table and a spin the bottle won’t suffice, everyone gets to do it. No one wants to ruin the mood, and perhaps it was because most of them are tipsy, everyone agreed to join. 

You watch as all of them get daring questions, somewhere bold to answer the questions while others choose to drink the shot. 

“Y/n, it’s your turn!” Sieun announced excitingly, clapping her hands as she stretches the shot glass towards yours which is a mixture of tequila and beer.

“Do you guys have a question for her?” she asked the crowd. 

“I have!” Lily said, obviously drunk. “Kiss, marry, fuck, Arcanum members except your younger brother of course.” 

The whole table hollered in excitement, patting Lily because the question was too good. You only laughed at their teasing but everyone was insisting that it’s a hypothetical question especially when one specific member is present at the table. 

Heeseung looks at you, eyeing every move you make as you look at the shot glass, wondering if you’ll answer it or not. 

But you were brave. It’s just a stupid drinking game, there are chances that they won’t remember it by tomorrow. “Okay hypothetically? I’ll kiss Sunghoon but on the cheeks! And it’s a platonic kiss because I don’t want to be a homewrecker!” you laughed before pondering between the two, too long that all of them are starting to get impatient.

“Girl, Heeseung is waiting for your answer!” Sumin shakes your shoulder but you only laugh as you stare at Heeseung, a smirk forming on your lips. The alcohol clouding your mind as a bright idea popped into your mind.

“I’d marry Jay, and I’d fuck Heeseung,” you answered truthfully, which earned amountful teasing and screams from your classmates, banging the table as you could only take the shot in front of you despite answering the question. 

“We need an explanation!” Lily insisted. 

“Well Jay is the most husband material out of them, and since Heeseung mentioned that he prefers being single. A one-time sex wouldn’t be bad, right Heeseung?” you fired the question towards Heeseung who only smiled in disbelief. 

“I’ll give you a good fuck then,” Heeseung answered back, completely shutting you off. You sat there frozen as Heeseung took a sip on his beer, even wiggling his eyebrows like he was teasing you, while both your classmates continued teasing both of you. 

“Since the topic is on you Lee Heeseung, would you date y/n? If you’re not such a stuck-up guy who insists that he likes being single?” Sieun interrupted, giving the shot glass in front of Heeseung. 

Heeseung looks at the shot glass for a moment, before glancing at you, an evident smirk on his lips that makes you nervous. 

“Yeah, why not?” he said casually which made the table noisy again. 

“Oh my god you two, just make out already!”

“I dare the two of you to kiss for five seconds!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of you ended up together after tonight.”

The table had placed the attention on the two of you. Your classmates continued the teasing which only made you laugh while Heeseung remained in his seat, drinking his beer and completely ignoring the dumb request your classmates had. 

But it wasn't the peak of the night. More alcoholic drinks were ordered. There were some strangers going to your table, flirting with your classmates, asking for their numbers. Some were already crying as the song in the club reminded them of their ex, others went out for a smoke, while you remained at your table, doing some stupid game along with your classmates. 

Slowly, you’re losing yourself. Your eyes are getting heavier and as you glanced at your watch, it was already 3 am. The table was still full of your classmates when you stood up, almost falling if it wasn’t for your classmate quickly guiding you. 

“I need some fresh air!” you shouted at her. 

“Okay, do you want me to accompany you?” she asked. 

“No, I can do it!” you giggled, grabbing your purse before going outside the bar.

The cold night welcomed you, mixed with the smell of smoke of strangers talking and smoking on the empty road. You could only close your eyes as you sat at a pavement beside it — not caring if it’s dirty. Your head is spinning, everything is blurry but the only good thing is that you don’t feel like you’re going to vomit anytime. 

You looked at your watch and saw that it’s almost late. Your energy’s all drained out, you don’t feel socializing anymore, and you just want to slump against your bed and doze off. You have to tell your classmates that you’re leaving, but your butt is glued to the pavement, too tired to move that you could only lower your head and groan louder.

“Get up,” you looked up and there he was. A serious expression written on his face, like he was disappointed in you. 

“Hi Heeseung,” you laughed, finding the situation too funny. After the exchange earlier, this is probably the first time you and Heeseung had talked throughout the night. You wanted to ask him questions but your mind was spinning and everything was just too blurry for you. 

“Come on now, let’s get you home,” he offered, approaching you as he only brushes his hand on your shoulder.

You only hummed at his words, “home? Sure, I also want to go home now — wait, I have to go back and pay my share.”

“I already got it, and I told them we’re going home. Come on now, can you walk?” 

“Of course! Wait —” you stood up from the pavement but you almost fell, Heeseung immediately grabbed you by your waist. Guiding you as you could only lean on his touch, eyes almost close. 

Heeseung carefully guided you towards his car, opening the door of his passenger seat while you almost stumbled inside. 

“My head hurts,” you groan as soon as Heeseung gets inside. 

“Just sleep for a while,” Heeseung advised. “I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

You only nod as you close your eyes, Heeseung starts the engine and drives away from the bar. 

But fifteen minutes into the drive, you regained your consciousness, head still spinning but you try your best to think where you are right now and then realise that you’re not inside the bar anymore — nor at the pavement you were sitting on. 

Then it hit you, looking at the interior of the car as the smell of a familiar perfume made you glance at the driver. And there he was, driving you home. 

“You’re allowed to drive?” That was the first thing you said. 

“I’m not even tipsy y/n,” Heeseung said. “I can’t say the same thing to you.”

“I’m never going to do that again,” you mumbled to yourself as you could only lean on the car’s window. Watching how Heeseung drove smoothly towards the empty streets of the city. 

“Considering all the things you’ve said and done tonight, I am not surprised,” Heeseung taunted, that’s when you looked at him, a teasing smile formed on his lips. 

“You also said some weird stuff tonight,” you rebutted, words slurring out of your mouth. 

Heeseung turned to a familiar street, his smile never leaving as he parked in front of your house’s gate. “Would you put a meaning to it?”

“Why would I put a meaning to it? It’s just a dare.” you answered, dodging his question. “Like mine, it’s a hypothetical question.”

“What if I want you to put a meaning to it?” he boldly said. “What if I told you, that night when we went to the museum, I really wanted to kiss you?”

It took your drunken mind a minute to process everything. “What?”

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Heeseung was serious. He was looking at you with much intensity. The atmosphere became quiet, but suffocating due to the tension between the two of you. You could only blink as your eyes darted on his lips. Thick and soft, pinkish and tempting that it made you bite your lips.

“Fine, just a kiss,” you said, removing your seat belt as you faced him. There’s no harm with a short kiss right?

You watched as Heeseung unbuckled his seat belt too. Leaning towards you as he cups your cheeks and without any hesitation, crashes his lips onto yours — too fast that you weren’t prepared for it.

That’s why it didn’t take a few seconds for you to separate from him, worrying Heeseung as he looked at you, confused.

“I’m sorry —” you laughed. “This just doesn't feel real to me.”

Kissing your long-time crush? That crush of yours who you always convince yourself that you don’t stand a chance? Wanted to kiss you? And had kissed you just now? Sounds like a dream for you, something that the alcohol inside you had convinced was real. 

“Then let’s do it again,” Heeseung said before pulling once again for a kiss. This time, softly like he was being careful with you. Unknowingly, you kissed him back, along with soft whimpers escaping from your lips. Try your best to balance yourself as Heeseung’s kisses become sloppy, almost breathy.

As you pull out from his lips. The two of you only stared at each other, the tension was rising and the inside of the car started to heat. Something in his eyes screams that he wants more — hungry for you and that’s when you felt your heart beating fast. 

“Come here,” Heeseung adjusted his seat further to the back to make space for you. He pulls your body and the next thing you know, you’re on his lap while his hands are on your waist as he pulls you to a feverish kiss. 

You must be dreaming, you muttered to yourself as Heeseung’s soft, plump lips are all your lips could feel. The taste of alcohol mixing along, bitter yet sweet for you while both hands became busy with feeling each other. Your hands trailed mindlessly to his shoulders down to his chest, wanting to feel that this is real for you.

While Heeseung’s hands made a bold move by brushing it on your clothed chest. Breaking the kiss, Heeseung leans towards your left ears, murmuring sweet words while his hands work on its way to cup your soft tits, wanting more to feel the skin beneath your clothes.

“I want you,” he whispered huskily. Planting kisses on your jawline down to your neck. “Want to feel you good — fuck, your lips are so soft.”

It didn’t help that his words go straight to your core. His flirty words that made you fall more deeply into him. Soft whimpers escaping your lips as he pushed you closer towards him, making you grind on his dick underneath, clearly printing on his pants. Guiding you as you rocked your hips towards it, earning moans from Heeseung. His lips leave your neck trailing towards your opened collarbone, softly and dangerously near your cleavage.

His hands slipped underneath your shirt, and in a snap, your bra is undone and he’s playing with your breast, flickering your nipples as he grinds his hips upwards to create more friction with you.

“Fuck — feels too good,” you moaned loudly as you continued to grind against him. Panties soaking wet due to the action.

“We can stop here. I don’t want to push you further if you don’t want it.” Heeseung stated before planting a kiss on your ears, and you know very well what he meant. 

But despite his sweet gesture, Heeseung wasn’t subtle, his gleaming round eyes had a stare lust-struck on you. Pleading but wanting, and you know that you can just stop right there — afraid of the consequences. 

Having sex with Heeseung doesn’t sound that bad. He’s your crush, and everything about this is mutually agreed. This is like a dream come true to you. But having sex with your younger brother’s friend? That’s a different story. It’s forbidden, and you’re breaking the only rule you and your brother established.

Jungwon had warned you many times about Heeseung. He’s a mixed signal giver. This might be nothing for him, but for you, sex was supposed to be intimate, a gesture only lovers should do. 

But as you look at his soft, round bambi-like eyes, you just can’t help but to be lured into it. You know the moment you two kissed, you two have crossed the line — and the swirl of alcohol in your mind is eager for more.

Biting your lips, you could only brush his messy hair as you whispered to him, “Let’s go inside,” fuck it, you don’t know if it was the alcohol that’s talking, but it gave you the courage to say those words. You’re convinced that this is a one time thing, and you’ll have no regrets whatever happens tonight. 

Heeseung turns off the engine before the two of you enter your house. Empty and quiet given that it was almost 4 am. Heeseung was wary at first, knowing that Jungwon’s asleep in his room. While you're a drunken mess, laughing and almost stumbling as you remove your shoes, tugging Heeseung with you. 

“What about Jungwon —”

“He’s having a sleepover with Sunoo at Riki’s dorm.” you casually replied. “We have the house all by ourselves.”

Those words are all it takes for Heeseung to push you against the wall. Trapping you with his knees in between your thighs, almost brushing on your core that a moaning gasp escapes your lips. 

“No wonder you’re so bold,” Heeseung smirked. “We can be as loud as we want to.” 

“Make me,” you challenged, grinning as you boldly palmed his cock, even squeezing it teasingly making him groan.

“Remember what I told you earlier?” he leaned towards you, stopping an inch in front of you, nose almost touching yours as he smirked, gaze menacing. “I’ll give you a good fuck.” 

A soft chuckle escapes your lips before Heeseung leans in for a kiss which you gladly reciprocated. Pulling him closer as he grabs you by your waist, almost lifting you with your clothed cunt resting on his right thigh. Grinding against it as the kiss turned harsher, both hands eager to touch each other as it trailed on each other’s body. 

It didn’t take seconds before both bodies started to feel hot and sweaty. Heeseung shrugged off his shirt while quickly doing the same with yours — along with your bra. Both half-naked, you didn’t care that your living room might be witnessing something scandalous. Sex were supposed to be intimate for you, but now, you’re just eager to be fucked by your long-time crush. 

Heeseung lowered his head between the cave of your breast, kisses trailing around it as he sucked and flickered your left nipples with his tongue. His large hand cups the right side, fondling it and making you more sensitive than ever. 

“So pretty for me,” Heeseung grins as he continues to play with your tits, earning soft moans from you. 

Heeseung removes his touch from you for a minute and kneels on the floor. Hands holding your thighs as he pushes it for you to open it. 

You look down on him, surprised but dazed to see him kneeling in front of you. Your heart starts to beat fast when his face is just a few inches close to your clothed pussy, breathing heavily as he touches the end of your skirt.

“Wearing this flimsy thing, you never fail to surprise me huh?” he teased, lifting it up to see your laced red panties. “Fuck, keep the skirt on, pretty.” 

Heeseung kisses the insides of your thighs, slowly and soft like he was worshipping it. Every touch feels like heaven for you, his hands making their way to hold your thighs firmly as Heeseung lightly as he presses his lips on your cunt. The wet patch evident where he swiped his tongue languidly on it, knocking you out of your breath. 

You can feel your body becoming more sensitive than ever. Heeseung didn’t hesitate to pull down your panty, displaying your pussy out which only made him groan. 

“Gorgeous for me baby,” he looks up to you. Eyes darkening as he grabs your right leg, swinging it on his shoulder so that you could put a weight on him. He doesn't care that his knees are aching red on the marbled tiles, Heeseung watches as you fall for him the moment he kisses your pussy’s lips.

Gently, he wanted to taste every inch of you, his mind hazing as your musk drunkens his mind. That’s when Heeseung started to swipe his tongue on your core, making you let out a loud moan that almost echoed inside.

“We got the whole house for ourselves right? Make those lovely noises for me,” Heeseung taunted before he continued eating you out. 

It felt better than when you touched yourself. You can feel your body heating up twice, sensitive and eager for the rush of climax. You were shameless in making sounds, moans and whimpers escaping your lips, wanting Heeseung to know that you’re feeling good because of him.

Heeseung lightly grazed on your clit, making you twitch which made him gripped on your leg harsher. The heel of your feet digging his back. 

“Stay still for me baby,” he ordered, tugging your body closer to him as he started devouring you again. Tongue lapping on your lips and clit simultaneously until he decided to use his free hand to insert a finger inside you.

“Fuck —” 

“You’re feeling good baby? Moan for me, let me know how good I make you,” he inserts another finger. Circling inside your gummy walls as he continues to play your clit with his tongue, faster and harsher that your body starts to shake. 

You couldn’t help but to grab his hair for balance, unconsciously grinding your hips for more. You can feel your orgasm coming, and you were eager to chase after it. Your breathing started to become unstable, trying to hold on to the feeling of being pleasured not until Heeseung’s slender fingers curled into a specific spot that made you moan loudly. 

“That’s your spot baby? Come on don’t hold it back, cum for me,” Heeseung orders, his fingers bruising that spot that it didn’t take you seconds for you to whimper, body shaking as your orgasm came rushing to you. Heeseung savored every drop of your release. Latching on your pussy as he drinks it sloppily, juices trailing down on his chin as he continues to eat you despite reaching your orgasm.

You could only cry as you tried to remove Heeseung out of your cunt but he presses himself further, clit brushing on his nose making you whine louder as he holds your shaking hips tightly that it’ll leave a bruise. 

“Heeseung — shit, fuck —wait!” your incoherent babbling didn’t stop Heeseung. 

“I bet your ex couldn’t even make you cum,” he taunted, looking up at you. Seeing you all messy, sweating, and panting, made him want to devour you more. He wanted to hear more how you weaken in front of him.

Thumb grazing on your clit, you started to cry loudly again. Eyes shut harshly as Heeseung inserts his fingers inside you once again. Your walls trapping his fingers that Heeseung could only wonder how your tight walls would feel around his cock. The thought made him hard and aching.

“Want to make you cum more, make a mess for me baby,” Heeseung stated, lapping on your pussy once again. You could only cry in pleasure, feeling something coiling inside you which isn’t your orgasm. 

Heeseung continued abusing your pussy, tongue sucking your clit while his fingers scissored your inside, finding the spot that had made you cum. Fingers curling and pumping in a harsh manner until something gushed out of your pussy. A messy and clear liquid which Heeseung didn’t hesitate to taste. 

“Fuck,” he laughs devilishly. “Did you just fucking squirt? Shit, that was so hot. Come on, I know you can do more.”

“I don’t know —”

“Come on, do it for me again,” Heeseung encouraged, fingers continued pumping inside your pussy, until your legs started shaking once again. Another wave of orgasm hits you, squirting shamelessly in Heeseung’s fingers. 

Too fucked-out to understand anything, you didn’t notice how Heeseung carried you towards the couch, placing you down on the extended part of the long couch. 

“Told you pretty I’ll fuck real good and that’s just the start.” Heeseung stated. Hastily, he unbuckles his belt along with his pants’ zipper, pulling his pants down enough for him to release his huge dick. Red and aching to be inside your pussy. You whimper in pleasure as you stare at Heeseung who spits on his hand, stroking his dick slowly as he eyed on you lustfully. 

Heeseung pulls you closer before he flips you on the couch. Pressing you down with your stomach flat against the couch. A heat of embarrassment churned in you as you felt like a doll being manhandled by Heeseung. 

It didn’t help that Heeseung pulled your skirt upward, revealing the curve of your ass in front of him. He can feel his dick twitching just by the sight. 

“Look at you, all pretty for me,” Heeseung hums. Slapping your ass cheeks making you flinch. The pain felt good that it went right through your core. 

“Gonna fuck you so good, you’ll be shaking til morning,” he mumbled to you. He pushes your back further to flatly lay you down on your stomach, face pressed down on the couch as Heeseung lifted your hips enough for him to see your entrance.

He brushes his tip lightly on your pussy’s lips, sensitive from your previous orgasms, you couldn’t help but to crawl away from Heeseung — not until he pulls you back. 

“Still sensitive —” you stopped midway when you could feel his tip protruding your entrance. A muted cry escapes your lips as slowly Heeseung pushes it inside. 

“Don’t worry baby, I'll take care of you,” he assured, brushing the stray hairs that covered your face before planting a kiss on your temple. 

Heeseung carefully thrust inside until he’s fully sheathed inside you. You could only groan as you feel yourself full.  “God — so fucking tight, bet you’re a virgin again because you’re so tight for me.”

Slowly, he began to move, earning moans from you as your sensitive pussy started to shape Heeseung’s huge shaft. Ramming into the places that your fingers couldn’t reach. You could only leave hefty cries as your knuckles turned round from the pleasures. 

“Look how your pussy is sucking me in,” Heeseung taunted, slapping your asscheeks once again before gripping the left cheek, turning red against his hands. He could only smirk as he felt nothing but heaven thrusting inside your warm walls. — never in his life would’ve thought that he’ll be fucking his friend’s sister, the one that his friend always told him to stay away.

He’s sorry for breaking the rules, but you were just so fucking sweet and the way your pussy is clench everytime his tip abuses your cervix, he has no remorse to it anymore. All Heeseung knows is that you’re so fucking good for him. 

He pulls you upwards, your back pressed against his warm chest. Both sweats started mixing togethers as his arms wrapped around your stomach. That’s when Heeseung continued to thrust faster, eager to leave you breaking into loud cries.

“Feel how you’re taking me baby, you feel so tight that I’m bulging in you,” he whispers to you. His hands press your palms below your stomach, feeling his dick rail you made you moan more louder. Everything just feels so good and you’re just too dazed that the only thing you can feel was how Heeseung’s dick continued to slide through your g-spot. 

“Hee —” his right hand started playing with your breasts once again, flicking and pinching your hard nipples as he busied his mouth on your shoulder, leaving kisses and faint marks that had you praying that it wouldn't leave a mark. 

“More — please,” you cried as you felt your stomach coiling, your breath becoming louder and heavier as Heeseung became rougher than usual. 

“Fuck, you’re coming again baby?” he asked, removing his hands from your tits, he slid it onto your clit, rubbing circles that made you moan. “Go on, cum for me baby.”

Heeseung grabs you by your cheeks, locking you to a torrid kiss. Heavily making out as he thrusts your pussy harder. You’re too fucked-out to kiss him back, moaning on his lips as his fingers rubbed your clit harder. 

That’s when your another orgasm came, you felt your body turning into a jelly as you melted onto Heeseung, your body shaking as tears fell from your eyes. Heeseung slowly laid you back but he didn’t stop ramming his dick inside you, his thrust became faster as you could hear his breathing becoming harsh along with soft groans escaping his lips.

Heeseung chases after his orgasm, thrusting inside you a few times before pulling out, you could only whine loudly as Heeseung moans while he pumps his dick through orgasm. Cum spilling all over his hand and painting your ass and back. 

It didn’t take a few seconds when you felt Heeseung’s hands on your back, brushing your hair away as he kissed your nape softly. 

“You did good,” he whispered to you, planting another kiss on your right temple. “Just stay there okay? Let me clean up the mess.” 

You’re too tired and sticky to move. You could only hear Heeseung shuffling to put on his pants as his light footsteps made its way towards the main bathroom — you only lay there naked with nothing but your skirt as everything felt overwhelming to you. Slowly, you closed your eyes, wishing that you’ll be awake by the time Heeseung returns. 

Heeseung returns with a wet towel he found inside the bathroom. Noticing that you’ve passed out, he lets it be, knowing that you’re probably too drunk and tired. Carefully he tugs off the spoiled skirt to clean your body, wiping your cunt which made you whine softly by its touch, along with the cum on your back which he made mental notes for him to apologize to you the next time you two meet. 

He picked up the discarded clothes on the floor. Cleaning every spot you two have touched, and hopefully it won’t smell like sex and sweat by the morning. 

That’s when Heeseung decided to carry you towards your room — the first time he ever did that to a girl he had slept with. He just couldn’t bear to leave you there on the couch especially when Jungwon might walk in later in the morning. 

Heeseung places you down on your bed. Looking at your naked figure, he felt a bit ashamed to just leave you like that. Luckily, he found a decent shirt and shorts on your clothing rack. Clothing you before tugging you neatly underneath your blanket. 

He stared at you for a good minute. Seeing that you’re peaceful in your slumber, he lightly brushes off your bangs before kissing your forehead. 

“Sweet dreams y/n,” he whispered.

“Heeseung…” you mumbled before Heeseung could even open the door. 

Heeseung remained quiet, observing if you’re going to say anything. A few minutes had passed and that’s when he twisted the doorknob — seconds just for you to mumble some words again. 

“I…like you Hee…” you said. Although it was soft and almost mumble, yet, Heeseung was quick to comprehend what you meant. 

He was frozen from where he was standing, his hands remained on the doorknob. Staring at your sleeping figure, wondering if those words meant something. 

-

Your words had Heeseung thinking throughout the weekend. 

He remembers the saying, drunk words are sober thoughts. Even if you were intoxicated, he’s not just going to let your words slip away. He wonders if you truly meant those words, or just a whirlwind slip of a post-sex haze. 

But the way you said it, mumbling, like you were being careful to say it. Thoughts started clouding in his mind throughout the weekend, he barely had sleep and he wanted to blame you for putting him in that situation. 

When Monday arrived, you went to school like a normal student. A bright expression on your face as Heeseung watches you pass by him. Not even a hi or hello. His lips turned thin as he tried to act like you ignoring him didn’t hurt him a little. 

Classes went on pretty normal, but Heeseung’s mind is still afloat. Eyes darting towards you every minute, stealing glances on you. But you only had your head low, writing on your Ipad and looking only upward towards the direction of the screen in front, making Heeseung realize that he’s like a fool looking for your attention. 

Heeseung isn’t usually like this, so he wonders why he's acting like this. Heart racing, mind afloat, and it’s only your words that kept him occupied. 

But it’s right there. The answer is just right there but Heeseung doesn’t want to acknowledge it, somehow a part of him isn’t ready for it. But as he looks at you, a lingering what-if crosses his mind. A thought of committing on to something that he’s been avoiding throughout his college life.

His intuition wanted him to do it, but he’s still holding back, and Heeseung knows that the only solution to it, was you. 

That’s why the moment the professor dismissed the class, he hastily placed his things inside his bag before going towards you. 

“Y/n,” he called out, almost loudly, that some of his classmates looked at him. 

“Hey,” you smiled casually, and Heeseung swore that it almost knocked the breath out of him. Have you always had this effect on him? Why did he just realise it right now? 

“Can we talk?” he asked, and saw your eyes surprised by his words. 

“Sure,” you only nod before the two of you leave the room, going to a small corner by the hallway. 

“About what you said that night,” Heeseung asked. “Is it true?”

You raised an eyebrow, “Did I say something? I barely remember anything even the…you know.”

Heeseung felt like his world crashed. Of course. You’re too drunk to remember everything. Even what you two did, you barely remember, and that made him scoff in disbelief. 

“Did I say something weird or?” you asked nervously. 

“You said you like me y/n,” Heeseung said in a serious tone. “Now tell me if it’s true.”

Heeseung watches your eyes widen in realization. A breathy curse slipped out of your mouth. That’s when he knew — that’s when his heart also knew.

“Listen y/n, it’s okay, I also —”

“Heeseung, you’re Jungwon’s friend,” you interrupted. “I can’t date you, I really — look, I like you, yes that’s true. But I care more about your friendship with Jungwon, and whatever happened that night. That’s just it, but please don’t tell Jungwon. He’ll get angry at you too. I hope you understand that.” 

Heeseung blinks. Looking at your pleading expression, that’s when it hit him that it’s not that Jungwon is caging you, but it’s the fact that your love for your younger brother is stronger than your romantic feelings for him. 

You two know that what you did was wrong. Both lines were crossed, and rules were broken. Jungwon trusted him not to go after you, and so do you. It’ll not only ruin friendship but Arcanum. Heeseung knows that you know how much Arcanum means to Jungwon, and it might even result in him leaving the band. 

And seeing how you’re willing to set everything aside for Jungwon, Heeseung couldn’t do anything but to admire you — even if it means he will not continue his confession to you. 

“Plus, you enjoy being single right?” you said lightheartedly, trying to ease the atmosphere. That’s when it slipped into Heeseung. 

An awkward laugh escapes his lips. Ironic because he was planning to throw it away for you, but talking about wrong timing because you got him first. “Right — you’re right. No worries y/n, I won’t tell Jungwon.”

You gave him a smile, patting his shoulders as you mumbled your thanks before leaving him there alone. Watching you walk away, Heeseung could only lower his head as he walked towards the opposite direction — not knowing that you turned your head towards him once again. 

That should be it. In the end, the two of you are some ways forbidden because of Jungwon. You’re right. Heeseung knows that he prefers being single. Right? Maybe what he’s feeling right now is just a temporary attachment to you because you two had sex, plus your confession caughting him off-guard. It’ll pass. Hopefully, for him, it’ll pass. 

But it didn’t help that a few days after you two had a talk, Heeseung caught you together with Jake. 

He knows that you two are orgmates. Coincidentally, you’re Jake’s executive assistant. Heeseung shouldn’t give meaning to it, especially when Jake’s not exempted from Jungwon's rule. 

It shouldn’t bother him. Who is he even anyway? An obvious frown forming on his lips when he saw your instagram story with Jake, you two went to eat k-bbq alone. One would think that you two are actually dating. It’s the way that you’re leaning towards Jake who’s smiling widely, holding the barbecue tong. It's cute, but all Heeseung could feel was annoyance.

Heeseung remembered your conversation with him. Out of all Jungwon’s friends, Jake’s your choice to date. And seeing you two together, Heeseung doesn’t know why but there’s a strange feeling growing inside him. Something ugly because why would he feel that to you? Someone who he’s not allowed to date, and to Jake, who is a close friend of his.

He shouldn’t feel that bubbling jealousy brewing inside but it didn’t help that there are days where Heeseung sees Jake waiting outside the department building. Jake would even smile and wave at him who only gives him a small smile back. Then, he watches you pass by him, going straight towards Jake who only ruffled your hair while you punched his shoulders lightly. 

Sweet. Way too sweet. Heeseung almost wanted to report you two to the disciplinary officer for pda. But as he watches the two of you walk away while laughing, leaving him alone there standing like a fool, that bubbling feeling continues to grow no matter how hard he concealed it. 

It didn’t help either that when they went to your place to practice, he immediately noticed a familiar pair of shoes by the doorway.

“Isn’t that Jake hyung’s shoes?” Riki pointed out. 

“Oh right, he told me he’ll be here early, he’s with noona,” Jungwon explained nonchalantly as he removed his shoes. 

“How come you’re not wary of Jake being too close with y/n?” Sunghoon asked, but there’s a taunting tone in his words. 

“They’re orgmates, y/n noona directly reports to Jake hyung. I trust Jake hyung to not break the rule.” and Heeseung is pretty sure that Jungwon gave him a side eye when he said that.

“So you don’t trust us?” Jay teases.

“I didn’t say that,” the younger one went inside first, while Jay and Sunghoon only laughed at the conversation.

As the rest of them entered the living room, they saw you and Jake by the couch. Heeseung raises an eyebrow, seeing you two together, by the couch — where you and Heeseung fucked, had his jaw tightening. Finding it funny how you pretend that everything’s normal. 

Files sprawled all over the coffee table along with some half-full iced coffees and a box of donuts. Jake is seated on the floor, glasses on top of his head with his expression as serious as always. While you’re seated on the couch, still wearing your uniform with your laptop on your lap, typing some documents needed. 

“Hi guys!” you greeted them first, with Jake following after.

“Y/n noona! I miss you!” Sunoo shouted with glee, sitting beside you and hugging you sideways. As always, you reciprocate the younger’s action. 

Heeseung lightly scoffs at how Sunoo can be so close to you, even hugging you while Jungwon doesn’t bat an eye on it. 

“I miss you too Noo, how’s part-timing at The Rabbit Hole?” you asked, shifting your seat to face the sophomore.

“Tiring, the new part-timer was so lazy! I have to multitask with everything,” Sunoo sulks, even pouting as he leans on your shoulder, glancing at your laptop’s screen. “What are you doing?”

“Some inquiries and grievances from students and incoming freshmen. Others wanted to transfer programs and also, student assistant job opening,” you answered before scrolling through your file. 

“Soobin hyung wanted us to finish it before the end of the school so that we don’t have to worry about the turnover for the next term,” Jake added, letting out a deep sigh as he grabbed the mountful of papers in front of him. 

“Well, we’re not disturbing you guys right? We’re going to start our practice,” Sunghoon asked, setting up in the huge empty space in front of them. 

“We can move to the dining room, so that it wouldn’t be too loud — are you okay with it?” Jake suggested, glancing at you who only nodded. 

“That would be better, we can continue there,” you answered, knowing that you’re still wary around Heeseung. 

As Arcanum set up, you and Jake moved your things on the dining table. From there, you can still hear Arcanum practicing, but with the divider and displays, it’s enough to cover you and Jake for privacy and muffle the sound a little. 

You and Jake sat together to continue your reports. Heeseung could only glance at the two of you. Seeing how close you two are, both heads are almost touching. If Jungwon had seen it, he would probably be throwing knives now. But Jungwon was too busy practicing the beat on his drums, and instead of knives, Heeseung’s darkening glare is what’s putting a hole on you and Jake.

He hated how close you and Jake are. He hated how he could hear your soft laughter just by looking at you — and you weren’t looking at him, you’re looking at Jake who’s probably cracking some jokes. He couldn’t believe that for the past few weeks, the two of you were together, but now, you’re with somebody else. 

And it’s not just somebody else. It’s Jake. A friend of his, the person you’ll hypothetically date if Jungwon’s rules doesn’t exist. The guy that has more chances of dating you than him —

“Heeseung!” A light kick on the shin snapped Heeseung out of reality, turning to his left where Jay looked at him confused. 

“We’re good to go, should we start now?” Jay asked, and that’s when Heeseung realized that he’s been staring for too long. 

“Oh — yeah, we’ll start in three,” Heeseung replied, signaling them with a countdown.

Riki and Sunoo cheered for Arcanum, sitting on the couch comfortably while Heeseung tried to focus, closing his eyes as he started to strum his guitar. 

“Your type of mind, so hard to find,” he sang, cold yet desperate like he was yearning for someone. A soft yet heartbreaking song to start their practice. He can hear Sunoo’s gasp while Riki lets out a whistle. 

Heeseung sings the song with feelings, something about the way he sings a song captivates their audience. But Riki and Sunoo were quick to notice how Heeseung’s eyes kept on looking to his left — by the dining room where you and Jake were seated.

Both sophomores looked at each other, a deciphering stare before glancing back at Heeseung whose eyes are still glued to you. It all circled back to them, realizing that there’s something their friend is hiding. 

With the way he sings, it doesn't sound like he’s just covering the song, it felt like every word, every lyric came straight from his heart. And looking at you, they know that he’s dedicating it to you.

As they finished the song, they were quick to start for another song. A low strum on Jay’s electric guitar — different from the first song. 

“I wanna be your vacuum cleaner. Breathing in your dust,” Heeseung sang in a low tone.

“Woah, Heeseung hyung’s good,” Sunoo mumbled. 

“It’s like he’s captivating someone under his spell,” Riki added, glancing at Sunoo who only nodded, knowing what he meant as the two watched as Heeseung sang. His head turned to his left once again.

“Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours,” Staring darkly, as he holds onto the mic stand, head turned towards your direction as he continues the song. Dark and tempting like the original. 

As the song finished, the band had a short break. Jay looks at Heeseung, a teasing smirk evident on his lips. 

“Seems like your audience is somewhere else,” Jay teasingly said. 

“Shut up Jay,” Heeseung brushes it off, but it was evident that he immediately shifted towards your direction once again. Like he was hoping that you’ll turn around. 

But not even a spare glance was given to them throughout the whole practice. By the time Arcanum finished their practice, so did you and Jake with your reports. Food arrived a few minutes later and the eight of you spent dinner in the living room. 

“Can you hear their practice in the dining room?” Riki asked. 

“Yeah, but it’s a bit muffled so it wasn’t distracting us, don’t worry,” Jake answered casually, not noticing how Riki and Sunoo snickered at each other. 

“You guys seem to be too busy with your reports, that you guys weren’t distracted by Heeseung hyung’s singing,” Sunoo added, tone hinted in a teasing manner. 

“Well, Jake insisted on finishing it tonight, and I heard you guys are drinking after dinner,” you laughed, not being able to catch the sophomore’s tone.

“And we did, because y/n is such a great assistant,” Jake compliments, making the other guys holler in teasing. 

“Jungwon, did you hear that?” Sunghoon nudged Jungwon who got confused immediately. 

“Hey Jake, don’t forget Jungwon’s rule,” Jay added, earning laughter in the living room — that including you and Jake. 

“I only said she’s a great assistant! Is it bad to compliment her?” Jake defensively replied.

Meanwhile Heeseung could only roll his eyes discreetly as he continued stuffing himself with rice. From there, Jungwon chuckles — a different reaction from his usual get-go wherein he’ll be pissed the moment they got linked to you. 

“Shut up hyungs,” Jungwon could only say. “By the way, you’re not going to join us noona?”

“I think I’m going to avoid drinking from now on,” you answered, knowing that the last time you drank, disaster happened. 

You could hear Heeseung clearing his throat, but you chose to ignore it and took the last bite on your food. Standing up from your seat before thanking them for the dinner, and reminding Jungwon to clean up the mess after. 

It was nine in the evening when you decided to call it a night, the remaining of them stayed in the living room with some alcohol to drink the night away. You’ve already known that they’re going to stay overnight — and probably will wake up by lunch. 

Saying goodbye to them, even drinking one shot because they insist, you went to your room and had your alone time. 

After taking a shower and changing into your sleeping clothes, you grabbed your laptop to do some last minute write-ups. Reviewing every page you’ve written, and then closing the tab to watch some youtube videos. 

You don’t know what’s going on downstairs. You sometimes hear their loud laughter and teasing, it was muffled enough for you not to be disturbed, and as the night deepens, the noise downstairs slowly becomes quiet. 

That’s when you decided to go to sleep. Closing your laptop, and locking your door. You turned on your nightshade and closed your bedroom’s light. As you nestled underneath your blanket, you closed your eyes, immersing yourself with the silence.

But it didn’t help you relax at all, you can feel your heart beating fast and as you open your eyes, that’s when it hits you that you’re not sleepy yet. 

Thoughts running inside your mind that whenever you close your eyes, and shuffle through different positions, you just can’t bear to sleep. You placed your hand on your chest, feeling your heart still palpitating and you’re blaming it on the coffee you bought. 

Frustratedly, you sat up to grab your phone, noticing that it’s already past one am. 

You don’t know what to do, so you scrolled through your social media in hopes that sleep might knock you down. But minutes turned into an hour and you became frustrated furthermore. 

Your frustration was interrupted when a knock on the door startled you. You let out a sigh because you already told Jungwon that he doesn't have to knock on your room if he’s going to inform you that his friends’ are going home. 

But instead of your younger brother, your eyes widened when it was Heeseung who’s in front of your room.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, whispering. “You can’t be here!”

“Don’t worry, they’re either passed-out drunk or deeply asleep,” Heeseung laughs, the smell of alcohol reeking on his breath as he leaned on your door frame. 

“What do you even want, Heeseung?” you asked, crossing your arms at him.

But Heeseung looks at you drowsily, “you’re one of a kind, you know that?”

You didn’t say a word. Slowly, he enters your room, making you step backward. Quietly, you watch him close the door even locking it — and you let him be. You didn’t stop him nor pushed him away. You remained from where you were standing, because deep inside, you wanted to know why Heeseung suddenly barged into your room in the middle of the night. 

“I’m still thinking about that night, about us, everything about us y/n — you’re driving me crazy you know that?” you can hear the frustration dripping on his tone. 

“Heeseung, you’re drunk.” you answered instead. 

Heeseung only laughs at your words. “Oh no sweetheart, I didn’t even drink that much. So I know damn well what I’m saying, and since you’re sober and completely awake, I’m confident that you won’t run away from me anymore.” 

You didn’t say a word. Heeseung gives you a smile. The boyish sweet smile that tugs your heart.

“After you told me that you like me, even though you were drunk, it made me realize something,” Heeseung became quiet for a second. “I really thought about it. Even convincing myself that being single is fun, but fuck it, maybe I prefer being with you.”

It wasn’t a direct confession, but you know what he was trying to say. You stopped your tracks, softly glancing at him who slackens his jaw. 

“I was ready to tell you that but you shut me off first, because you know how important Arcanum was, and you don’t want to ruin my friendship with Jungwon.” Heeseung explained, and that’s when it hits you. That talk you two had, he was supposed to say something but you cut him off. 

“And I respected that y/n — that even made me admire you more. You were willing to set aside your feelings for Jungwon. I even convinced myself that maybe the single life is for me,” Heeseung heaves out a sigh. Brushing his hair before glancing at you, his eyes darkening. 

“Really, I tried my best to respect your decision, but seeing you with Jake? What was that? Are you playing with me?” 

“Heeseung —”

But Heeseung lets out a mocking laughter, finding himself stupid for accusing you of that. “Of course you’re not, I’m just overthinking and who am I even to overthink? I’m just your brother’s friend.”

Silence. For a moment, no one said a word. Heeseung approaches you darkly, making you step backward until you hit the edge of your bed, clumsily making you sit at it. Heeseung boldly hovers over you, both arms trapping you as he leans closer to you, face an inch close to you. 

“But maybe I don’t want to be seen as your brother’s friend anymore. I want to be yours instead, I want to be your boyfriend.” he whispered to you, surprising you with the statement that your eyes could only widen. 

“And I don’t care about Jungwon anymore, he’ll have to fucking live with that fact.” He stated. Heeseung doesn’t care about the consequences anymore. All he wants is you, and if it means ruining friendship, he’ll be willing to fight for your relationship with him.

“Heeseung —”

“Don’t think about Jungwon anymore y/n, I like you — hell, I think I’m in love with you. I want to be yours. Just tell me that you want this too.” Heeseung pleaded, and you just couldn’t believe it. Heeseung begging for your love? You know that this is too good to be true — too good that it’s forbidden at the same time. But as you look at Heeseung’s soft, round bambi eyes, you just couldn’t help but to melt for him.

“I just never thought that you’ll be within my reach.” you confessed, hands cupping his cheeks. “Heeseung, I’ve liked you since we were freshman, but you’re just so unreachable for me.”

“Unreachable? y/n, you’re the unreachable one, you’re basically locked in your younger brother’s rule.”

“Not what I meant but, everything just feels so surreal for me, everything about us — is this even real?” your mind is still clouded, but your heart was racing rapidly. It’s celebrating inside. There were fireworks, butterflies, any fluttering feeling that you can feel to convince you that Heeseung, the guy that you’ve been yearning for years, likes you back. 

“I’ll make it real for you then,” Heeseung leans closer, locking you to a kiss. Immediate and hungry, feeling his soft lips against yours made your knees weak, the fluttering feeling becoming too good that your heart is going to burst at that moment. Tasting the alcohol on his tongue as it swipes it lightly on your lower lips. Moaning against your lips as he bites onto your bottom lip harshly that his teeth scratches a wound to it. 

You broke from the kiss, catching your breath as you tasted the blood on your lips, but Heeseung grabs your face, pulling you for another kiss. Feverish as he sucks the blood oozing from your lips, making you whine as his tongue laps on the wound. 

“You were pretty drunk that night we did it, how about I recreate it for you? Show you that I mean everything?” he swore the moment you two broke the kiss once again. 

Gently, he pushes you down to your bed, crawling over you and crashing his lips on yours again. But it’s softer this time, gentle like he’s trying to memorize your lips. 

He started peppering you with kisses, full of love as he began lowering his lips on your neck. His lips raveling every skin as he planted marks near your collarbone. One, two, three — until every skin around your neck and chest is full of marks. Heeseung stands up to see his art. Lust-struck stare as he looks at you, teary-eyed and swollen, wounded lips. His heart swells with pride because you’re his to keep. 

“God, look at you gorgeous,” he whispered, as he started to unbutton his school uniform. You followed his actions as you sat up from your bed, taking off the thin, old shirt revealing your naked chest underneath. 

“Want you,” you told him, round, innocent-like eyes staring at him as you boldly palmed the print of his cock underneath the slacks. 

“Go on,” he gestured, giving you a kiss on top of your head as you unzipped his slacks, pulling it down along with his boxers. 

Heeseung’s cock sprang free. Your eyes wide at how it’s huge despite being soft. Remembering how it pounded into your holes. Feeling your core pulsing at the sight, wanting for it to be inside you but your mind wants to return the favor. You wanted to pleasure Heeseung like what he did to you. 

You started by giving its head soft kitten kisses. Glancing at Heeseung who only nods, hands finding its way towards your hair, holding it like a makeshift ponytail which was your approval. Your tongue started to find its way. Swirling on the tip, salivating every inch it can reach until you gathered enough saliva to drool on his almost hardening cock.

You hold his cock in a soft grip, stroking it as your hand lubricates it with your drool. Looking up at Heeseung with lust-drunken eyes before slowly sinking your mouth on his cock, and Heeseung could only throw his head out of pleasure. A breathy moan escaped his lips as you started bobbing in and out of his cock. 

Adjusting to its size, you started slow and gentle, just enough to make him hard. Heeseung’s grip on your hair started to tug, unconsciously pushing your head which made you fasten your pace. Cheeks hollow as your lips sucked him. Tongue trailing along with it, licking its underside. 

“Fuck just like that, a pretty girl is sucking me hard,” Heeseung moans as his dick twitch inside your warm mouth. Knowing that it’s been so long since a girl has given him a head, Heeseung would’ve never thought that it’ll end him being sensitive. 

You continued bobbing your head, fast and hard leaving Heeseung moaning and whining as he unconsciously bucked his hips towards you. The tip of his dick hitting your throat, making you gag by the action but that didn’t stop you, it only had your cunt throbbing.

“You can be rough with me,” you said as you pulled away from him, something inside you awakened. Teary-eyes looking up at him, and Heeseung swore that you even looked prettier than ever. 

“You sure? I don’t want to hurt you,” Heeseung asked with a worried tone. 

You only roll your eyes, “You’re acting like you weren’t rough that night.” you said before you sucked him once again.

“I’m not holding back then,” he started by thrusting his hips inside your mouth, earning another choking gag from you. “You’re so warm, your pretty little mouth is so tight for me too.”

Both hands find its way on your head, holding it steady as he started to fuck your mouth. You could only hold onto his hips for balance as his thrust became fast and harsh that drool started to trail down your chin. 

“You feel — fuck,” Heeseung moans. “So good to me — can’t believe you’re mine.” the sounds Heeseung made had you throbbing more than ever. Your eyes are pooled with tears as his bulging head continues to abuse your throat.

“Want you to be inside you,” Heeseung breathes, mercilessly pounding inside you before pulling his dick out of your mouth, leaving you gasping for air. 

“Want to come inside you,” Heeseung drunkenly said. Grabbing your chin and wiping the drool away before sloppily giving you a kiss. “Ride me baby, want to see a pretty girl on top of me.”

You hastily remove the rest of your pajamas as Heeseung climbs over your bed, resting on the headboard as he straddles you to his lap. Your wet pussy on top of his dick, grinding on it while both hands are on your waist. 

Raising your hips a little, you grabbed Heeseung’ cock to align it on your entrance, whimpering as his bulging tip kissed your pussy’s lips before you slowly sink down, feeling every inch of his dick open your pussy, moaning in pleasure until he’s fully sheathed. 

“Heeseung — fuck,” you moaned as you started bouncing up and down. Your walls wet and warm, as his cock slides inside you, feeling him deeper than before. Every inch and veins of his dick is all you can feel as his head continues to kiss your cervix, knocking you out of breath everytime it happens. 

Heeseung could only moan loudly as he watched you ride him. You had your head thrown back as your tits bounced in front of him. He could get off just by watching you. His pretty girl, riding his dick, whining loudly as you continued to call his name — not caring about whether Jungwon or his other friends might hear you. 

You let out a yelp when Heeseung smacks your ass cheeks, his smirk widening as he meets you thrust, bucking his hips upwards. Vulgar sounds and body slapping against each other echoed around the room as the two of you continued to drown into each other’s pleasure. 

Heeseung adjusted his position, sitting up and pulling you closer to him. Stopping your movement when you feel him wraps his arms around you. Coming face to face with you, Heeseung could only smile as he swiped your hair that was stuck on your face, making you fawn a smile. 

“Can’t believe your mine,” he said excitedly, like he was a high school kid, making you laugh before cupping his face, cheeks squeezing which delighted you more. 

“I’m yours Hee,” you mumbled, and you can’t believe that those words came out from your mouth. 

Heeseung pulled you to a loving kiss, before he started thrusting inside. With him continuing your movement, you remove yourself from him before resting your head on his shoulder as your hands find their way on his back. Nails scratching as the pleasure became too intense to you.

Loud moans and whimpers continued to fill the room. You cried to his ears as your nails pressed harder on his back. Tears falling away from your eyes as Heeseung felt you twitch above him, slowly not being able to bounce on him as your toes started curling. 

“You want to cum pretty girl?” he whispered to you, and you could only nod feverishly, making Heeseung thrust harder than before, adjusting his pace until his cocks slid into your most sensitive spot. 

“Heeseung — ah!” you choke out a moan as your orgasm came in just a glimpse. Your body was shaking, holding Heeseung tightly while his thrust became faster, chasing after his orgasm, which made you cry harder.

“Hee — inside” you cried. “Inside please — ugh, want to feel you.”

Fuck. Heeseung curses internally. You just can’t say that and expect him to act rationally. With the way your pussy’s sucking him in had his dick twitching. Heavy groans and whimpers escaping his lips as he continued to fuck your overly sensitive inside. 

In a minute, Heeseung groans loudly as he spills his warm seeds inside you, making you moan in pleasure, as he continues to thrust you until he’s too tired to move. 

For a moment, none of you moved, Heeseung held you tightly as he caught his breath. His dick still inside yours, twitching and sensitive. So warm for him that he just wanted to be inside you. Heeseung lays down in bed along with you. Everything was sticky and warm, but you two didn’t care. The only thing you can feel was Heeseung’s warmth and the faint beating of his chest.

“What now?” you asked, clarity finally getting inside your senses. 

“Well —” Heeseung groans as your hips unconsciously move. “Don’t move, you’re making me hard.”

But you smile at him evilly, grinding at him who let out a soft moan.

“Stop that — fuck.”

“Or what?” 

Heeseung glares at you. And before you could say another word, he grabs you by your waist and pushes you down with your back hitting the mattress. Heeseung hovers over you as he does an experimental thrust inside you, making you whine. 

“You’re going to pay for this,” Heeseung swore, and you can only chuckle as you feel him hardening inside you. 

“I wouldn’t mind that,” you said, hands finding the back of his hair and pulling him down for a kiss.

Surely, it was a long night for the two of you. 

-

You stared at Heeseung’s sleeping figure. Peaceful and gentle as your hands reached for it, trailing on his messy hair. The way his cheeks are squeezed against the pillow, soft lips pouting in default. Heeseung looks so pretty and you can’t believe that this is the first thing you saw the moment you open your eyes. 

You don’t know what time it is. All you know is that it’s morning. The sun is up, and the spring breeze passes through your window’s curtain. Underneath the sheets were your naked bodies, warm and sticky, yet intimate to feel.

It’s been a few minutes since you woke up, and unlike the last time when you woke up alone, Heeseung is right next to you. You were staring at him for so long that you know that you’ll look like a creep, but it’s the morning haze that has your mind still unwinding everything that happened. That’s why it’s still not sinking into you that Heeseung is sleeping beside you. 

It’s as if he felt your gaze, Heeseung’s lips curved into a smile. Your eyes widened when you felt his arms pulling you towards him, head resting on his chest as you two bathed in the warm sunlight passing through the window. 

“You’re going to melt me with your stare,” Heeseung mumbled. 

“Sorry, I just — haven’t sinked in everything,” you replied. 

Heeseung softly chuckles, a soft kiss planting on top of your head as he caresses your hair, “you want to do it again?”

“We had enough Hee!” you said immediately, punching his chest which only made him laugh.

“I’m just kidding,” he said, resting his chin underneath your head. 

Silence faltered the room. Only your soft breathing can be heard, Heeseung’s hands continue to caress your hair while as you rest on his chest, you can feel his heartbeat — faster than usual, and you wonder if it’s because of you. 

“We should go on a date,” Heeseung suggested. “Our first official date as a couple, what do you think?”

“That would be nice,” you whispered. 

“Should we do it later? It’s a Saturday, do you want to go out or stay indoors? Oh wait — do you want to go to other museums? Oh maybe we should try those painting sessions with wine.”

You only laughed at his words. “You’re taking this seriously.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I am so happy that you’re my girlfriend now, we’re going to do everything together~”

“That has a nice ring on it boyfriend,” you look at him before giving a quick kiss. “How about we decide on that later? For now, let’s just stay like this for a while.” 

Heeseung nods, closing his eyes as he pulls you closer to his touch. The solemn silence hovering as both hearts hold each other dearly. Everything feels like a dream. You felt peaceful not until a loud banging on the door startled you. That’s when you remember —

“Heeseung hyung! I know you’re in there!” you scrambled from your position as a familiar voice boomed outside your room, but Heeseung remained unfazed. 

“Jungwon might see us!” you panicked, trying to look for your clothes on the floor. 

“He’ll live,” Heeseung drowsily said, grabbing you and trapping you in his arms. “Let’s just rest here for a while.”

“Heeseung! Can we at least get dressed!?” you shouted, glancing at the door wherein any minute now, your younger brother will barge in. 

But a teasing smile formed on your boyfriend’s lips, kissing the end of your nose as he snuggled you closer like you’re his teddy bear. “Don’t worry about that.”

“Heeseung hyung! You’re dead to me — what the fuck!?” The banging stopped, but you can hear shouting and cursings from the outside, along with Sunghoon’s loud laughter followed by a light scowling from Sunoo. 

“Don’t worry about Jungwon! But you owe us one, asshole!” Jay shouted through the door. 

“Holy fucking shit, he’s like a wild cat,” Jake laughs. 

“What the hell, Jungwon hyung scratched me!” Riki shouted.

You don’t know what’s happening outside, they’re probably tackling your younger brother. You can hear Heeseung snickering as he lightly sways you, assuring you that everything will be alright. You glance at him, he has a soft smile on his lips making you melt. Slowly, your worries disappear as you feel safer in Heeseung’s hold. 

-

Epilogue.

“Decelis are you ready!?” Heeseung shouted through the mic. 

School has just ended. Fortunately, you’ve passed the second semester with ease. Now, you’re anticipating the two month vacation before senior year arrives. Feeling a rush of excitement and nervousness because next year is going to be your last year in college.

But for now, you’re with the thousands of students, at Decelis University’s open field. It’s the annual year-end concert. A celebration for the success of the end of an academic year. Decelis typically invite bands and singers to perform — of course, Arcanum was part of the line-up. 

You screamed along Karina and Yunah as Jay opened the performance with a one-minute guitar solo, shouting “Are you ready to rock!?” causing everyone to scream louder. You could only fawn over the boy who’s rocking the stage while your boyfriend ran around the stage, dancing freestyle along the beat. 

You watched as Heeseung returned to the center, placing the mic on the stand before he started singing It’s not living (If it’s not with you) by The 1975. His voice filled the whole place as cheers became loud the moment he sang the first line. 

“That’s my boyfriend!” you shouted, making Yunah and Karina tackle you teasingly. 

“We get it! Gosh, you won this one, y/n,” Karina teased. 

“You managed to bag the most wanted guy in Decelis, I think we need tips from you,” Yunah added. 

“I think you should stop playing with fire, and just tell him what you feel instead,” you replied to Yunah who only rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll just die instead,” she nonchalantly replied. Glancing back at the led screen wherein they’re showing Jungwon who’s too immersed with playing the drums. 

After the first song, Sunghoon immediately shifted the vibe by playing a soft intro of a familiar song. Heeseung smiles as he places his hand on the mic stand. 

“We’re going to change the vibe from here, any lovers around here?” and he boldly raised his hands, earning screams from the crowd. A few students raising their hands while single people are booing jokingly. 

The smile on Heeseung’s lips turned wider as he feels along with the song, “Feel like sun on my skin

So this is love, I know it is.”

You only stood there, watching as Heeseung continued singing. Even dancing along with it, pretending like the mic stand is his partner. Swinging it lightly as he turned his attention towards the crowd once again. A smirk on his lips as he winks flirtily. 

“Gosh, and he wonders why hundreds of girls are head over heels to him,” you stated. 

“And sadly, he’s not available anymore!” Karina shouted. “Seriously, we need a crowning moment for you.”

Your relationship with Heeseung wasn’t that officially launched. It’s not that you two decided to keep it secret, but you two don't see the need to officially launch it. Let people wonder. You two menacingly agreed. Only your close friends knew about you two being a couple. 

Of course, some small public displays of affection weren’t subtle like the way you two are now seated together in the classroom, or some people seeing Heeseung carrying your bag. — it’s safe to say that people are quick to conclude that you two have something going on. If it’s serious or not, that’s what they don’t know. 

“Thank you so much Decelis University for having us here. We are really happy to perform in front of you guys, your energy gives us energy, but sadly we only have one last song left,” Heeseung stated after finishing another song, earning a few “awww” and “noooo” from the crowd, even chanting for one more song. 

“For the last song, this one is our very first composed song. We dedicated our time in composing and writing the lyrics, and this is the first time we will be performing it. So hopefully, you guys will love it.” Heeseung explained, his smile turning wide like he was proud to introduce the song.

“More like you wrote the lyrics,” Jay pointed out, which made the crowd scream. “The things love do, am I right?” and that made the crowd scream louder. 

Heeseung only laughs, he didn’t even try to ignore it at all. “Are you ready for a serenade, Decelis?”

For a moment, there was silence. Shortly, a few strums from Heeseung’s guitar escape as he softly hums to the mic. His eyes closed like he’s feeling along with the song. 

He started the verse with a soft tone. Dearly like he’s dedicating the song to someone. You’re not slow to pick up the lyrics of the song. It meant something and that’s when you can feel your heart start beating fast. You only stood there, frozen as you watched your boyfriend sing in front of a thousands of crowd. 

“I want you to know, I love you the most, I'll always be there right by your side,” Heeseung sings, opening his eyes and even though you’re far from the stage, and even if you’re just watching him from the screen, he smiles widely like he’s staring at you. 

“'Cause baby, you're always in my mind, just give me your forever.” You can feel your heart tugging. It swells with joy as you watch your boyfriend sing his love for you in front of a crowd. His heavenly voice swooning every student, especially you. He continued singing, mesmerizing the crowd with how he sang it — like he’s swearing his vows for you. 

“Just give me your forever.” he sang one last time before taking a bow. 

Cheers started to become louder. Continuous screams from the student as they started chanting Arcanum’s name. Heeseung could only smile as he gestured to his friends to take the center for a short photo time and final goodbye. 

It didn’t sinked into you that Arcanum just finished their set. It was until Karina and Yunah pulled you to go towards the department building that serves as a backstage area because you promised Heeseung that you’ll be meeting them afterwards. 

You found them in one of the classrooms, laughing as they stuffed themselves with snacks prepared by the university. As soon as Heeseung sees you, his smile widens as he walks towards you before pulling you to a hug, even carrying you and twirling you like you two are the only people in the room.

“Okay that’s enough, give respect to single people here!” Jay shouted but his words slipped out of your ears when Heeseung pulled you for a kiss, soft and eager, earning mixed reactions from the people inside. 

“I can’t believe I’ll be seeing this for the rest of my life,” Jungwon cringed. 

“You’ll live,” Yunah taunted, sticking her tongue out to the drummer who only rolled his eyes. 

“The song —” you breathe the moment you two broke the kiss, “you wrote the lyrics?”

“You like it?” Heeseung asked, thumb grazing your cheeks.

“I love it! It’s beautiful,” you smiled. 

“It’s for you.” 

That’s when you took a step back, eyes wide but filled with happiness as you could only smile wider, squishing your boyfriend’s soft cheeks which is a form of endearment for you. 

“I can’t believe you.” you giggled.

“Did you even hear what Jay said?” Heeseung mumbled, grabbing your cheeks the same way, before planting a kiss on your lips one more time. 

“Of course,” you grinned. “Just want to hear it from you.”

“Stop that you guys! Or we’ll have to report you for pda!” Karina shouted, along with the others throwing tissues and some light stuff which you two avoided — even Jungwon didn’t hesitate to throw his drumsticks at the two of you. 

But the two of you only laughed at their antics. Heeseung gives you a sweet kiss on your temples, as he puts his arms around your shoulders, holding you dearly.

And as you glance at him, you could only rest your head on his shoulder, fiddling with his hands resting on your shoulder — a way for you to feel that Heeseung is yours, at arms length on your reach. 

[hhoneylemon]

not a complete asshole

mohawk mark x amab!reader

content: porn without plot, anal (reader receiving), oral (mark + reader receiving), bratty mark, switch vibes with the both of them, reader calls mark ‘whore’, mark calls reader ‘fag’ and ‘babe’, mark has a fixation on reader’s ass, mark is a biter

this is loosely based off of bark like you want it by sir mix-a-lot

“that the best you can do? i—ahh… thought you were supposed to be good at this.”

your eyebrows furrow and you pull away from his dick, a popping noise resonating as you disconnect. a small trail of spit trails from your swollen lips to his pink tip. he grunts at the loss of touch.

“hey, hey, what was that for?”

he almost pouts, which is ironic given who he is. you simply sneer, standing and sitting beside him. confusion and panic flashes across his face, though he tries to mask it.

“if you want better, go find better, whore.”

a little growl escapes him, fingers tightly clenching the bedsheets. his brows furrow and a low sigh escapes him.

“babe, c’mon. i didn’t mean it.”

you roll your eyes. his hand reaches for your thigh, gently squeezing.

“babe, please—“

“you better get to your knees and bark like you want it.”

mark’s eyebrows raise and his lips purse for a moment. he debates in his head for a moment before rolling his eyes and sliding to his knees on the floor. his fingers gently massage into your thighs, contradicting his behavior.

“i’m not barking for shit. just—c’mon, baby. if i suck you off, can i fuck you good?”

you hum in thought, fingers reaching for his mohawk. you slowly card your hand through his hair, causing him to shudder and place his head on your knee. his hands trail further up, stopping at the flesh of your thighs surrounding where your dick lies. a gentle sigh.

“sounds good to me. have fun.”

his hands quickly move, cradling your dick. his thumbs rub at the sides while his head moves forward, tongue experimentally licking your tip. your breath hitches as your thighs clench. mark gets to work.

he honestly gives bad blowjobs. he slobbers over it like a dog, funnily enough. he doesn’t hit any of the right spots. you only let him go on because his tongue massages your tip and his fingers jerk your base—and don’t get started on he himself. he’s humping your leg, little groans of his own vibrating against your dick. you grunt, pushing his head down on his dick to reach the back of his throat.

the moment he gags, you pull out completely. he pants, hips stilling as he looks up at you. his lips are red and swollen, eyes bugging from the recent intrusion of his throat. he gives you that one smirk of his, like he knows something you don’t.

“doggy?”

you sigh before clambering onto the bed, falling to your hands and knees. the bed creaks behind you as he climbs on, hands automatically finding your ass. he gives a squeeze, them another to the other cheek. he lands a small smack.

“get on with it, whore.”

he narrows his eyes at your back before spitting into his hands. he moves to jerk himself, lubing up. his other hand works at your hole, thrusting his fingers in and out. he scissors to stretch, the burn almost addictive.

“hold on for me, babe.”

his tip pokes at your ass and your breath hitches. at least he was sweet right now; he wasn’t a complete asshole. you let our a breathy sound as he slowly sinks into you. when he bottoms out, his chest finds your back, his hands resting on your hips for a moment. 

“feeling alright?”

“yah.”

mark gives a slowly pulls out before giving a shallow thrust to test the waters. you wiggle back against him and he decides that’s enough of that.

he’s not… brutal. more like passionate. each thrust brings a harsh sound of skin against skin sounding through the bedroom. your shoulders are littered with bite marks and hickeys that he left in his wake, lips currently trailing across your upper back.

you’ve already came once, your fave buried in the sheets as mark pounds into you from behind. he grunts against your shoulder, hands tightly squeezing your hips. a slow and deep groan escapes him.

“fffuck, babe. you feel so good.”

you pant against the sheets, sweat coating your body and making you glisten and wet. mark’s not in a much different state, sweat collecting at his temples.

a deep thrust draws you back, your back arching. your thoughts have been wandering, mind getting fuzzy. he keeps hitting that delicious spot deep inside of you. your cock is all tender, trapped between your stomach and the bed.

your stomach’s getting all tight again, causing your hole to clench around mark. he groans, lips sucking against the back of your neck. his fingernails dig into your hips, though he loosens his hold at the small pained noise you make.

“already cumming again, fag? am i making you feel that good?”

“yes—”

you barely get the word out, back arching as he hits your prostate. you think that your eyes cross as he hits it again, your cock throbbing dangerously. mark quickens his pace, pounding back into you until you think you hear him murmur something about being close in between moans.

you don’t really care, not when you thing you’re about to combust. you try holding on, but tour cock is impatient. you bite down on the bedsheets, eyes squeezing shut as your cock begins shooting ropes of your seed onto the sheets. mark almost whimpers at how your hole clenches around him before he cums inside of you.

he slowly pulls out after he fucks himself out of his high, laying beside you. he would love to go for more, but he can tell you’re tuckered out.

his hand finds your hip, pulling you closer to him. soon, you’re cuddling on his side to avoid the cum that coats yours. his hand finds your ass and gives it a squeeze, earning him an annoyed grunt.

“sorry, it was calling my name.”

“shut the hell up.”

he grins to himself as your face tucks into his shoulder. he presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head. maybe he wasn’t a complete asshole.

masterlist

[metallicames]

Be Quiet

Description: you're dating 80's James and after a wild party you go to sleep with him, but you're not alone...

Warnings: fingering, dirty talking, sex.

⸻⭒⸱ 🖤 ⸱⭒⸻

“This asshole.. I thought he weighed less” James exclaims as he walks with wobbling in the corridor holding Lars on his shoulder practically unconscious, you walk staggering in front of him while looking for the keys in your bag.

Post-concert celebrations in the '80s are always wild —and the chaos that followed the first show of the Master of Puppets tour is no exception.

Your mind is foggy and you have no idea what time it is but from the window of the hotel corridor you see the dawn and you wonder how you end up in that state every time.

After a few tries you manage to open the door, you enter the room and James literally throws Lars onto his bed which makes a slight moan without even moving.

"Where are the guys?" you ask dazedly. "I have no idea Y/N, it's the first date of the tour and everyone's already fucked up!"James exclaims as he takes off his shoes and clothes throwing it around while remaining in his underwear.

"Come to Jamie" he exclaims as he throws himself onto the bed.

You undress, settle yourself as you can, staggering, and get into bed with him. The first light of the morning comes in through the shutters, Lars snores in his bed a few meters away from you.

You turn on your side and James holds you from behind, you squeeze yourself as close to his chest as you can and try to relax by feeling the regular beating of his heart and the warmth of his skin.

After a few minutes James moves, brings his hips closer to your backside and delicately places his lips close to your ear: "Babe, are you awake?".

You are super awake, you probably won't be able to sleep, the adrenaline and alcohol pervading you. “Yes” you answer him in a whisper.

A short silence follows, interrupted by the movement of his arm that moves the blanekts and passes from your side to your breast, touching it slowly and then with ever more passion, you instinctively turn your face towards him looking for a kiss sucking his bottom lip into your mouth rolling your tongue together savoring him. James's gestures become needy and impatient within minutes, after stimulating your nipple with his fingers his hand goes down from your breast towards your groin, caressing your belly with his fingers making you jump, you automatically open one leg and place it on his behind you.

You feel his fingers on your clit slowly starting to move in a circular way, confident, decisive but at the same time caring, attentive to every movement. The numb feeling from the alcohol mixes with the pleasure his hands cause on your body is intoxicating. The hand he used to hold his head slides along your other side and lowers to caress your other breast squeezing you agaist his body harder.

You love how he touches you, how he takes control and does exactly what your body needs without you asking for anything.

You start panting trying not to make too much noise, "you're so wet..." he whispers in your ear, you cling to his leg with your nails rubbing slightly back and forth against his erection making him emit a gottural growl.

The excitement continues to increase as you hear James panting in your ear, he kisses your neck, bites your earlobe hungrily and continues to touch you everywhere moving your panties to the side and with slow movements he inserts a finger inside you reaching up to his knuckles pushing in shortly after another finger making you gasp. Your mouth is slightly open as you sigh deeply and barely hold back your moans. His fingers move deliciously inside you, curling and stretching, his sole purpose is to drive you crazy which inevitably makes him lose control too.

“I can't take it anymore!” he tells you softly with one hand he takes his hard cock out of his boxers, you arch your back slightly looking at him out of the corner of your eye, there is little light in the room just enough so you can see his horny expression as he slowly pushes into you.

“Oh my god..” you let out a sigh, he emits a low growl and holds your hips still starting to give you deep thrusts, going all the way in and then slowly coming out making your walls pulsate from the lack of his girth inside you and then sinking back in. You close your legs and the friction of your thighs on the clit increases the pleasure even more. You start to moan loudly and James puts his large hand on your mouth, pulling your head back slightly against his chest and starting to bang you faster.

The situation turns you on beyond every limit, having to be quiet so as not to be discovered by Lars who is a few meters away from you makes you crave James even more, you need him to fuck you as only he can do.

You start to think that if Lars ever sees you it would make you even more excited. Your mind wanders with imagination while James at a certain point, between sighs, whispers to you "Turn on your stomach sweetie".

You turn as you give him a slow, wet, deep kiss full of desire.

“Fuck me hard” you spur him, opening your damp thighs, he stands staring at you few seconds with a penetrating gaze visible even in the semi-darkness. He lowers himself with his forearms next to your head and pushes himself inside you again, to the bottom, you raise your legs automatically wrapping them around him, both your hands end up on his buttocks pushing him even deeper inside of you.

You have never enough, you want all of him, all the way in, to the point it almost hurt you.

Your bodies cling to each other, your hard nipples touch his chest and his soft hair while he continues to kiss you, lick and bite you making you feel completely his, your moans increase even though you both try to hold back. Every now and then he lets out some curses in a low voice: "fuck, f-fuck.. mm so close.. shit" making you even wetter.

Your entwined bodies create a friction on your clit that starts to make you tremble, you're close, feeling like you're about to explode. You start to convulsively tighten around his cock, "mmmmh that feels so good.. do it again.. God!" he whispers panting while he increases the pace putting a hand behind your neck and holds you still, making his thrusts so intense that they make you come, clenching around him again.

Your vision blurs and your eyes roll back in your head, you tremble and writhe under him, his large hand covers your mouth again, muffling your moans. "You have to be a good girl for me ok!? Be quiet as I fuck the shit out of you" his dirty talking takes you to the edge, the only way to vent your repressed pleausure is to grip his back using your nails until your climax fades away leaving you breathless.

James won't stop fucking you raw, slamming you hard against the mattress needing to come inside you, to claim you as his.

"Fill me up James!" that's all he needs to hear to comes hard with a strangled moan in your ear. You feel him tremble above you as he continues to sink inside your sensitive pussy with lighter and irregular thrusts. He remains few seconds with his head resting in the crook of your neck, breathing heavily, crushing you against the mattress. You remove your hands from his damp back and stroke his wild hair, kissing his shoulder softly enjoying his smell and the deep connection between your bodies.

“I'm crazy for you” he tells you with a warm and enveloping voice, turning to look at you and giving you a slow and passionate kiss that makes you want to start fucking again. You look at him smiling, drunk of him, you really can't help it.

"Guys, you made me hard!” Lars' sleepy voice, still affected by substances, petrifies you.

James takes the pillow that was next to him and throws it at him then he lies down on your side. He draws the profile of your face with a finger and stares at you while you catch your breath and close your eyes. The comfort of the orgasm is making you relax and you start to feel sleepy.

“Now I'm ready to sleep” he exclaims, taking a deep sigh.

You fall asleep entwined, him with his forehead resting on your temple and your arm resting on his bare chest cradled by his breaths.

[lightreader1]

Fanfic idea -  Mini stories - Young Atsushi x Young Chuuya 

Prompt: Young Chuuya technically kidnaps young Atsushi- scenario rambles part 2

Actual idea-

So here I am yet again for another installment of this shippy chaos.

I don't know why but everytime I think of this idea I keep imagining a small feral Chuuya hugging an even smaller Atsushi while growling at everyone saying "Backoff! He's mine! Mine! You can't have him assholes!"

XD

Note: All idea’s listed here are meant to make you laugh, hit you in the feels, and/or inspire your little shipper hearts to hopefully write something you think you would enjoy! 

You have been warned.

=w= 

2. The learning phase - Remember how I mentioned that Chuuya doesn’t remember shit before the age of 7? Well because of that ignorance he doesn’t really understand how the world works. Chuuya in my mind runs on his own instincts and logic, but you mix that with a highly isolated abused orphan like Atsushi and you get some pretty interesting situations. 

Like for example I imagine Young Chuuya and young Atsushi getting hungry and seeing a random food vendor. Chuuya automatically wants the food because he knows both of them are hungry while Atsushi is more reluctant because he doesn’t want to steal. I Imagine that the conversation would go something like this: 

Both Atsushi and Chuuya look around the corner of an alley and start drooling over some Takoyaki. 

Chuuya (sniffing the air and looks at everything curiously): Hey that smells really good, Atsushi what is it? 

Atsushi (wipes a little drool off his face as he looks at the food intensely): “Ahhh I think that’s called Takoyaki. I remember reading about it in a cook book before, it’s supposed to be chopped octopus cooked in dough.

Chuuya (looks at Atsushi who has his full attention on the food): “Is that supposed to be good?” 

Atsushi (sighs longingly at the food but still does not look away even as his stomach grumbles nods): “Yea, I never had it before. But I think it’s supposed to be really really good.” 

Chuuya (as he hears Atsushi’s stomach rumble and remembers how light Atsushi is nods to himself): Alright then! Wait right here Atsushi I’m gonna get us some food! 

Chuuya is about to walk off to go to the food cart but Atsushi stops him by grabbing his hand.

Atsushi (slightly panicking): W-wait Chuuya where are you going? What do you mean by “get us some food”?

Chuuya turns back frowns a little confused at Atsushi but doesn’t pull away from the other’s hand. 

Chuuya: Well I’m hungry and you’re definitely hungry, so I’m gonna take their food. I mean look at’em, that guys just giving food away! 

Chuuya points at the street vendor currently giving some Takoyaki to some random family.

Atsushi frowns before sighing at Chuuya. He pulls his hand away to gesture at the cart not noticing that Chuuya frowns at the loss of contact.

 Atsushi: Chuuya you can’t just take food from people, thats stealing. Those people  bought for their food that’s why the guy is giving it to them. 

Chuuya frowns again before tilting his head confused.

Chuuya: What’s “stealing” and “bought” mean? 

Atsushi sighs before explaining.

Atsushi: Stealing means that you take something that doesn’t belong to you. And “bought” means that someone used money to buy something and that makes it belong to them. 

Chuuya (frowning but nods): Okay I get that but how do you “buy” something. 

Atsushi: You buy something by using money. 

Chuuya: Ok but how do ya get money? 

Atsushi pauses at that because for all of his book knowledge he actually isn’t too sure how to get money because he’s so used to the orphanage’s “point” system.

Atsushi: I-I don’t know. 

Chuuya (tilting his head curiously before leaning closer to Atsushi’s face in that way kids just do sometimes when they don’t have a sense of personal space): What do you mean ya don’t know?

Atsushi leans back and blushes feeling a embarrassed at his lack of knowledge.

Atsushi (literally twiddling his thumbs): “A-at the orphanage t-they never gave us money. A-an if we wanted to e-eat we had to earn points.”

Chuuya narrows his eyes at this and tense’s up hearing about the orphanage again but doesn’t interrupt.

Atsushi (starts holding himself as memories emerge): T-they made us clean and do chores but I-it was never enough. I-i think money is kinda like that. If you do a good job a-at something you get money but I-if you don’t…

Atsushi shivers and his eyes start to water again which makes Chuuya frown even harder.

Atsushi: I-i don’t wanna get p-punished if that’s how it works outside the orphanage. A-and stealing is even worse! T-they h-hurt you re-really really bad Chuuya!

Chuuya mentally scrambles a little when Atsushi starts crying. He’s angry at hearing how much this world scares his friend. So he does his best to help Atsushi and puts an arm around him and  hugs him close.

Chuuya: Oi oi don’t worry they can’t hurt ya anymore remember? I made a promise and I’m gonna keep it. Ya still trust me to keep it right?

Chuuya then wipes away Atsushi’s tears and Atsushi blushes cause he’s not used to anyone treating him so gently before. 

Atsushi: I-i trust Chuuya. 

With that Atsushi gives a small smile to Chuuya and leans his cheek into one of his hands enjoying the warmth and care. 

Chuuya gives a big smile in return feeling a warm but pleasant sensation in his chest as his new friend looks so pretty while he’s smiling at him. 

At that moment Chuuya just wants Atsushi to always keep smiling at him like that.

Chuuya: Good! Then ya gotta stop crying kay? I like it betta when ya smile. 

Atsushi blushes but nods and starts wiping his eyes before his eyes are clear of tears. 

Atsushi: A-alright. But now what should we do?

At that point they both hear their stomach’s rumbling, though Atsushi’s is noticeably much louder between the two.

Chuuya looks at the food cart once more his eyes darken slightly before giving a slightly vicious smile, thinking of all the things precious friend had told him. 

He then looks back at Atsushi with a much more gentle smile and 

pats Atsushi’s head comfortingly. 

Chuuya: Just trust me Atsushi, ya don’t gotta worry about a thing. I’ll be right back. 

Atsushi is still looking concerned knowing his friend’s violent streak but reluctantly nods

Atsushi: A-all right but please be careful. A-and you can’t squish anyone like you wanted with the bandage guy. 

Chuuya tsk’s at that thinking of the weird bandage man but considers Atsushi’s words for a moment. 

Chuuya: Okay, no squishing got it…….what about making them twist? 

Atsushi: Twist?

Chuuya nods enthusiastically with an innocent smile on his face: Yea! Ya know make their arms and legs move in a different way!

Atsushi sweat drops at that.

Atsushi: Chuuya please don’t break peoples bones! It would hurt a lot!

Chuuya pouts but reluctantly nods

Chuuya: Fiiiiine. I won’t squish em or make I’m twist……..as long as they don’t try to hurt me first! They start a fight then I’m gonna end it. 

Atsushi snorts feeling both worried and amused at his friends antics. 

Atsushi: A-alright I guess that should work. I mean if someone breaks a bone then I guess they’ll feel better after a few days. 

Atsushi says innocently without knowing that it is in fact not normal to heal from a broken bone after a few days.

Chuuya who also has no idea how long it takes for normal people to heal just smiles brightly at his friends approval. Not really caring about the incorrect knowledge but happy that Atsushi is relenting and letting him do what he wants. 

Chuuya: Well alright! Now I’ll be right back so don’t move okay? 

Atsushi nods and give’s Chuuya another soft smile: Alright, just be careful okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.  

Chuuya blushes before puffing up his chest

Chuuya: Of course! Just ya wait Atsushi! 

Chuuya then goes over to the food cart vendor. He doesn’t end up breaking any bones or anything but several orders of takoyaki do get stolen and the cart vendor gets pinned to the ground for a couple hours. 

Meanwhile Chuuya discovers that he absolutely adores Atsushi’s joyful expression when he returns with the food.  His pretty violet and gold eyes sparkle and Chuuya just wants him to keep looking at him like that. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is part 1 of the rambles if ya'll want more context: https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/773980856756912128/fanfic-idea-mini-stories-young-atsushi-x?source=share

This is the original link idea that started it all: https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/773882201147375616/fanfic-idea-young-atsushi-x-young-chuuya-prompt?source=share

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Congrats on 1k!!

for the ask game!

J: “dont touch me, get away from me”

in Someone who cares

hurt/comfort

book

and if I can make a special request that Eddie is the hurt party?

Thank you so much! 🥰 Always thrilled to write more about my favorite family.

Some dreams come true

Words: 954

Rated: G

Tags: Modern AU; No UD AU; Established relationship; Married Steddie; Steve is Dustin’s dad; Author Eddie; Hurt/comfort; Fluff

Notes: Set in the same universe as Someone who cares

“Eddie?” Dustin knocks on the door of the study. It’s slow and hesitant, and that alone is enough to tell Steve that the kid was not exaggerating when he called and told him to get home immediately. “It’s me. I’ve brought Dad. Please open the door?” 

There’s no answer. 

“Damn,” Steve murmurs. “What the hell happened?” 

Dustin scowls.

“No idea. He opened that package that arrived for him, and then he went all silent and weird and locked himself in there, like- … oh, do you think it’s a bomb?” 

“A what?” Steve squawks. “What the fuck, Dustin? Of course it’s not a- who’d even send us a bomb?” 

“Dunno, grandpa?” Dustin is wibbling in his spot, weirdly elated with the notion. “He must still be pretty damn pissed, right? I mean, last time you saw him, Eddie punched him in the-” 

Steve groans. “Jesus Christ, Dustin, I promise it's not a bomb. Go do your homework or whatever, I'll handle this.” 

Dustin deflates, but sulks off towards his room, grumbling under his breath. Steve sighs and turns back to the door.

“Eds? I'm not leaving, just so you know.” 

For a few seconds, everything stays silent. Then, something shuffles and footsteps approach. The lock clicks, but the door doesn't open. When Steve steps into the tiny room, Eddie is already back in his desk chair, elbows bracketed on his knees, head almost level with his hands. He's holding something. A book.

A familiar mix of feelings stirs in Steve's guts. Alarm. Worry. The overwhelming need to find out who hurt his husband and slowly tear them limb from limb.

“Eddie? What's-” 

“Don't touch me. Get away from me.” 

Eddie doesn't raise his voice. Steve catches himself wishing he had, because the quiet brokenness of the words is somehow infinitely more scary. His feet stop dead in their tracks, halfway between Eddie and the door. From where he's standing, he recognizes the book Eddie has in his hand. 

“Author's copies arrived,” Eddie says, almost as if he read his mind. His head jerks weakly at the package sitting by his feet, holding a stack of identical books, all bearing Eddie’s name on the cover. 

“But…” Steve mutters while his brain is still parsing through the situation. “But that's amazing, honey. You've been looking forward to this so long, why-” 

“I know,” Eddie groans. The book flops to the ground as he brings his hands up to cup his own face. “I was. I am. It's just that …” 

He exhales a long, shaky breath. 

“It's all real now, Stevie. It's here. And- … and next week, it's gonna be in stores, and everybody will be able to pick one up and what if it sucks? I've been dreaming of this for as long as I can think of, but that's all it was - a dream. But now … I dunno, I'm just … I'm scared.” 

“Hey,” Steve whispers, sinking to his knees to bring them face level. “Hey, look at me.” 

Eddie does, big brown eyes peering out from between long fingers. Steve chuckles, reaching for those hands to pull them down into Eddie’s lap. 

“Do you remember the pizza party?” 

Eddie blinks at him. “Huh? What are you-” 

“That was the first time I wanted to kiss you. I had only known you for a few weeks, but somehow, I was already falling in love with you.” Steve smiles, running his fingers over the familiar shape of Eddie's hands and arms, tracing the black ink of his tattoos. “I didn't do it then. Do you know why?” 

“Because Mike puked on your sofa?” 

“Yes,” Steve says automatically. Sputters. “I mean no. I mean- God, you're such an asshole.” 

Eddie’s mouth twitches. Steve sighs. 

“The reason I didn't do it,” he clarifies, “was because I was scared. Because I thought I'd rather spend a lifetime dreaming of having you than turning it into a reality and somehow messing it up. But you know what?” 

“Hm?” Eddie hums, melting into him as Steve leans in to touch their foreheads together. “What's that, love?” 

Steve smiles at the pet name, pressing a kiss to the dimple at the corner of Eddie’s mouth. 

“I'm so incredibly fucking glad we got our shit together in the end,” he says. “Because the reality of it is so much better than anything I ever could've imagined.”

“So much fucking better,” Eddie whispers against his lips, and then neither of them says anything for a while. When they pull out of the kiss, Steve presses the fallen book into Eddie’s hands. 

“This'll be fantastic,” he promises, smoothing over the wrinkle in Eddie’s brow with his lips before he can argue. “You just wait. Now, come down and help me with dinner? Dustin’s convinced you have a bomb in here.” 

Eddie snorts a laugh and stands from his chair, carefully putting the book back with the others before slipping his hand into Steve’s. “What, seriously? And here you are, wondering why I’m doubting myself. With the things that kid comes up with, he should be the author in this family, not me. A bomb, fucking hell!” 

Steve laughs softly as they make their way down the stairs. “You just wait until that book blows up and it turns out he was right.” 

“Yeah, as if,” Eddie says, but there’s no bitterness left in his voice. He smacks a noisy kiss to Steve’s temple, pulling him into the kitchen with a dorky spin and twirl. “Keep dreaming, honey.” 

He definitely will, Steve thinks as they get to work between a constant stream of bickering and kisses. His dreams have a habit of becoming true, after all, and he's no longer afraid of that. 

More celebration ficlets

[sturniolo-rat]

Chapter 1: Cherry Contact

A/N: If this flops, I’m going to cry😢 In loving memory of @newsourceofnonsense, she's not dead; I just like the memory of her.

Contains: smut, oral, fingering , exhibitionism, plot

TW: tell me if you find any

Chris and Y/N are two walking commitment issues that enter into a mutually assured attachment.

Everyone thinks Y/N is a book hoarder, but she considers herself more of a book collector. She has over 700 books that take up damn near her whole apartment. The collection consists primarily of special and first-edition books. It’s probably worth around $50,000, but she doesn’t care because she plans on keeping them forever. To fund her obsession, she works as a waitress at a restaurant that just opened up called “The Copper Kitchen.” her best friend, Dorset, is a freckle-faced white girl with short brown hair, green eyes, and circle glasses. She also happens to be a bartender at “The Copper Kitchen.” Currently, Y/N is outside of her apartment waiting for Dorset so they can carpool to work. When Dorset pulls up in her shitty car, Y/N is ecstatic because she has big news to share. 

“Dot, I’ve done it!” she says as she hops into the passenger seat. 

“Wh- what have you done?” She’s very concerned that Y/N has done something crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time. The last time something like this happened, she told Dorset that she got her ex’s name tattooed on her left ass cheek.

“I’ve decided to have sex with men again!”

Dorset is relieved. “OMG! Yes! We can finally fight over men again!” They laugh as she merges back onto the road to begin the short trip to work.

“Yep, I’m meeting a guy at the restaurant after my shift,” Y/N says proudly. She's been off men since her break up three years ago, and this new guy is the first not to give her the ick within the first week of talking. She knows meeting up doesn’t automatically mean sex, but she hasn’t had dick in 3 years and feels that she owes it to herself to fuck this man. It’s not like she’s interested in anything else from him. Romance is strictly off the table for her. She prefers to stick to smutty romance books and shitty Tumblr fanfics of perfectly romanticized versions of men. 

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear all about your little hookup.” They part as they head to their respective jobs at the restaurant—time to deal with shitty customers who tip like assholes. 

Twenty minutes before the end of her shift, the most obnoxious kids walk in. They’re not actually kids; they're about 20, but Y/N considers anyone under 22 a kid, and these guys seem incredibly immature.

“Hey guys!” Says Nick, holding up the camera. “Welcome to today’s Friday vlog where we will be…”

Matt takes the camera, “trying the food at…” 

Chris gets into the shot and yells, “The Copper Kitchen!”

Nick hits Chris in the head “Don’t yell in my fucking ear!” 

“Don’t hit me, Dickface!” Chris hits him back while Matt holds the camera and laughs to the side.

The Y/N comes up and loudly asks, “Is this your whole party?” She gives them a disapproving look. 

Matt is the first to speak, “Yes, ma’am, it’s just the three of us today.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” said Nick and Chris in unison. Chris is noticeably more embarrassed than Nick is. He’s absolutely mortified to be seen acting like a child in front of such a beautiful woman.

“Thank you. Let me show you to your table.” She picks up three menus before walking them to their seats. Only when they’re all sitting and looking up at her does she realize that the three boys are triplets. “Can I start you off with something to drink?” 

She points to Matt. “Root beer, thanks.”

She points to Nick. “Water, if you don’t mind.”

She points to Chris. “What’s the best virgin mixed drink you guys have?”

“I’m not sure, but you can never go wrong with a Shirley Temple. Do you want me to go ask the bartender?” She would love to tell Dorset about the sexy triplets that just stumbled in.

“Nope, we’re all good. I’ll take a Shirley Temple and a Pepsi.”

“Great. I’ll be back in a few with your drinks.” 

Y/N practically runs to Dorset. Chris can’t help but watch her ass as she walks to the bar to order his drink. When she returns a few minutes later, she hands Chris his drinks last.

“Thank you for the Pepsi, but this…” he lifts the mixed drink and hands it to her. “is for you, miss…” he pauses to look at her name tag. “Y/N. It’s an apology for making a scene in your restaurant.”  Nick and Matt are in shock over how forward he’s being. Chris has never really flirted in front of them before. It’s kind of weird, but they can see why he has so many girls in and out of his room. 

“Well, thank you…”

“Chris.” he interrupts. “Please, call me Chris.” he gives Y/N a charming smile.

“Thank you very much, Chris. However, my shift is over, and Michelle will serve you for the rest of the night.” 

“I’m sorry to see you go, miss Y/N, but I hope you have a good day.”

“Will do, Chris,” says Y/N before she walks away to sit across the room at the bar. She talks to Dorset about her date tonight while she waits for him. His name is Theo. He’s blonde with deep brown eyes, and from what Y/N can tell from sexting, he’s so fucking good at dirty talk. Unfortunately, he is 30 minutes late to meet her. 

Chris has been relatively quiet for today’s video. He’s been distracted watching Y/N enjoy his drink and seeing her smile and laugh with her friend. She looks somewhat distressed now, and Chris can't help but think he’s found his opening. He makes the boys wrap up the video and leaves to get Y/N’s number. 

He turns on his charm and sits on the stool next to her. “What’s got you so worried, miss Y/N.”

“Pretty sure I’m being stood up. I’m also pretty sure people under 21 can’t sit at the bar.”

“Who says I’m not 21? Maybe I’m here to buy you another drink.” 

Y/N cocks her eyebrow as she calls her friend over. “Order me something then.”

Chris tries to think his way out of this. “Listen, you guys are friends, right? She’s just been stood up, and a handsome young man would like to buy your friend a drink. I’m sure if you just forget to card me this one time and let me buy her a Shirley Temple with vodka and extra cherries, it would make her night ten times better.”

“My hands are tied, Y/N. You’re my weakness.” she looks to Chris. “Dirty Shirley coming right up.”

“You’re fuckin’ smooth, aren’t you?” asks Y/N. 

Much more confident than he was moments before Chris responds, “Yes, ma’am, I am. Now tell me all about the bad man who hurt you.”

“I’m not really hurt,” she replies, but Chris can tell she’s hiding something. 

“No?” he questions.

Dorset comes with her drink, and Y/N takes a nervous sip. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course you can, Miss Y/N.”

“I’m not hurt. I was just really horny, and I got my nails done for this date, and not I can’t even touch myself at home because my nails are so sharp,” she says, completely embarrassed. She doesn’t make eye contact with him and focuses intensely on eating her maraschino cherries. 

“I don’t mean to be too forward, but…” he leans in, whispering in Y/N’s ear, “ I think I can help you with that.” She doesn’t miss a beat. She takes his hand and drags him to the large family bathroom. Dorset claps and cheers them on openly as they make their way. Y/N makes a mental note to get her back somehow later. 

She palms him through his pants, and Chris grabs her face, pulling her into a rough, hurried kiss. “Oh, fuck. You taste like cherries.” he hikes up her uniform skirt and rubs her over her panties. 

“You have yourself to thank for that.” 

He spins her around so he can watch her face in the mirror as he touches her. “You’re also soaked. Do I have myself to thank for that, too?” before she can say anything, Chris’s finger is spreading her lips apart and playing at her entrance. 

She closes her legs in response. “Nope, not so fast. You gotta eat it first.”

Chris sinks to his knees. “Yes, ma’am.” he wastes no time. He spreads her thighs apart, slides her panties to her knees, and starts lapping at her clit from behind. He’s got to be quick because his brothers are waiting for him. 

She bends over the sink, propping herself up on her forearms. “Oh, fuck!” she groans. 

“Hush, Cherry. Don’t want to get fired for fucking on the job, do we?.” The vibrations from his laugh makes Y/N’s pussy shiver causing her to wiggle a little. Chris loves watching her ass jiggle. “Has anyone ever eaten your ass?” he parts her cheeks and gives her a playful spank. “You have such a cute little asshole. Do you mind if I try?” 

“Yeah, you can try,” she says sheepishly, hiding her face from the mirror. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget to give your clit some attention.” 

“Oh, yes! Just like that!” Y/N cries out louder than she means to as his tongue explores her ass. He rubs her clit with the pad of his finger, and she lets out a breathy moan. Chris is hard as a fucking rock, and she’s making such pretty sounds. It’s torture not to touch himself, but he came here to help her out and needs to focus on making her cum. 

“Yeah. Tell me how you like it.” 

“Fingers, please,” she begs. 

“Tell me how many you need, Cherry?”

“Two. Just two, please.” Y/N takes his fingers inside of her with ease. He searches for a moment to find that special spot of hers. “Right there!” 

Chris is so happy with how open she’s been to him. The girls he’s been with recently have been so meek. She’s such a good girl telling him just where she needs him. He works his fingers into her faster, making sure to hit her G spot every time. Y/N starts pushing herself back on his fingers. Chris feels her pussy begin to tighten like a vice around him. “You’re such a good fucking girl. Cum for me, Cherry. Cum on my fingers.” her legs giveaway as her climax burns through her, and Chris has to hold her up as he tries to work her through it. 

When her orgasm subsides and her vision comes back, Chris is on the floor holding her. She rests her head on his chest and says, “Thank you. That was fucking amazing.”

“Anytime, Cherry. I don’t expect any reciprocation today, but I feel I am owed your phone number.” He hands her his phone, and the new contact is already open. 

“Of course, here’s my number, Chris.” she hands the phone back to him, gets back onto her feet, and pulls her panties up. She leaves without saying goodbye. Chris looks down at his phone and smiles at her contact name. “Y/N🍒 (Sexy Waitress)”

Masterlist

Taglist

@rafecameronsbitch @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @mrsmiagreer @lovergirl4387 @gdsvhtwa @ashley9282828 @j-worlds-blog @stephanieienwf @achrisgirly @draculaura123 @abbypost @Cind2224 @crazychrisl0v3r @ryli3sworld @bkwrld @pinkishpearls @pepsienthusiasts @stunza @chrattstromboli @sturnssmuts @angelic-sturniolos111 @69isabella69 @maryx2xx @sturniolo04 @bigbeefybitch @klaus223492 @r93339 @sturnzsblog @spotconlon55 @robins-scoop @junovrsmp4 @sturnlover4eva @blahbel668 @lilahnowheretobefound @luxy-nyx @tuffsturns @m0r94n @sturnstvs

[l0vergirlwrites]

still have time ; robin buckley

synopsis: during a sleepover movie marathon, you & robin briefly delve into the complexities of keeping your relationship a secret, comforting one another with kisses & promises.

warnings: robin x fem!reader, allusions to hiding relationship due to homophobia, slight angst, fluff/comfort themes, mentions of kissing & touching, just robin & fem!reader being cuties who deserve awesomeness!!!

“wait, don’t fall asleep yet! we still have two more movies to go through!”

robin groaned in response, smushing her face further into the pillow beside you, curling the blanket around her arm to further secure herself in the warmth of your bed.

“save them for morning, babe” she murmured in response, causing you to pout.

it was a rare occurrence that you’d get the house to yourself for a whole weekend, so you knew you wanted to spend it with robin by your side, able to touch one another without worrying about what anyone else thinks.

maybe that’s why you didn’t want to sleep just yet, because by tomorrow evening, your parents would be back & the little bubble you’ve created would shatter.

“but its only ten-thirty—could we at least do one more?” you begged, wanting to press yourself into robin’s side, legs perched in her lap as she occasionally squeezed your calf’s while you played with her hair, taking kiss breaks when the moment called for them.

peeking her eyes open, she gave you a sympathetic smile & locked her fingers with yours. “we still have time. we can watch them tomorrow” she assured, & you knew she was right.

“c’mere” robin called softly, propping her head up on an elbow. you automatically followed suit, turning the tv off with the remote before getting under the sheets, scooting over until her arm draped itself across your waist, feeling the fingers slip under your shirt to rub your back.

“i don’t want this night to end” you whispered, raising a hand to brush some hair away from robin’s eyes.

“me too” she agreed, the weight of knowing that when tomorrow comes, your bubble breaks & it’s back to pretending to only be friends.

you wished things could’ve been different.

“things won’t always be like this, you know” she spoke gently, her heart aching at the solemn expression on your face. “we just have to wait until people aren’t such massive assholes” she partially joked, smiling when she saw that twinkle come back to your eyes.

you got quiet again, rubbing her freckled cheek before swiping your thumb just below her bottom lip in thought.

“i’ll wait if it means i get to have you”

robin’s heart skipped beat at your words, only pulling you closer by hiking your thigh on her hip, your warmth mixing with hers into the perfect concoction.

“you already got me” she whispered before leaning forward, lips interlocking with yours in a perfect harmony.

with eyes closed, you pressed your body flush with robin’s, letting your hands drift to her hair as she pushed you to lay on your back, her body secured between your legs. one of her forearms rested above your head on your pillow while the other massaged your waist, completely getting lost in the feeling of you.

“you’re really good at that” you mumbled into robin’s mouth, teeth clashing lightly when you both grinned.

“i learnt the best from you” she replied all suave, lips connecting back with yours into a series of passionate kisses, waking her up from whatever sleep state she was once in.

“please don’t tell me steve taught you that line” you said into the skin of her neck when she scattered kisses along your jaw, resulting in her to laugh.

coming back into your eyeline, your hands cradled her face. her poker face was bad.

“if you tell anyone, you’re done for” robin warned, watching as you shook your head with a knowing smile.

you think you love her now.

“your secret is safe with me” you promised, breath hitching when she kissed you again, both of your bodies melting together as the clock on your nightstand ticked on.

you still have time, you reminded yourself, turning your mind off to focus on the way robin was holding you, full of sweetness & love.

[kgirlgroup-stan]

Ice Rink

fluff, female reader

Y/N pov

Today was a beautiful winter day and because of this I decided to go out with my friends to an ice rink.

I thought it was a good idea since it was winter and thought it would be fun to do something new. The girls agreed that it was as well but they used this good idea to.....make fun of me.

When dont these girls make fun of me. I could be doing nothing and they find some way to make fun of me. I thought we could use this opportunity to bond a bit since i know all of the girls know how to skate and well i dont.

Once we arrived we got everything set up and began to enter the ice rink, just like that the teasing began.

"help me you assholes." I was automatically slipping once i stepped foot into the rink. I reached out to Yuqi and Minnie since they were closest to me.

"Yah. Language there are kids around." Siyeon smacked my shoulder.

"Well maybe if you guys helped me i wouldnt be scr- AHH! oh shit HOLD me Yuqi." I lost my balance when Minnie tried moving away from me.

"hahaha sorry." she was laughing at me. "come on." They all began to skate around the rink. Luckily there wasnt much people there because i was holding onto the edge of the rink, looking like a grandma. 

I was so concentrated until i heard Shuhua and Soojin start to laugh at me. I turned to glare at them, noticing that they were holding hand, making me roll my eyes. "Stop being gross and help a girl out. Miyeon unnie!!! help meeee."

She came to me with a soft giggle, she grabbed my arms and helped me balance. "Here go like this, try to relax a bit." slowly but surely she was showing me how to skate.

Just when I started giving the hang of it, i was feeling a bit confident and then.....this bitch decided to let me tf go.

"unnieeeee! what are doing?! come backkkk" automatically i started to panic, making me start to wobble.

"You got this Y/n!!" I heard Yuqi yell at me. I turned back to see where they were and I accidentally fell on top of someone. "OH SHIT!!" I heard the girls laugh.

"Ah fuck.....s- sorry" I began to lift myself up, looking down to see a beautiful girl. I didnt realize that i was lost in admiring her until Minnie came up to us, pulling me off of the women. "Y/n get your gay ass of her, geez"

"R-right sorry again." I reached my hand to help her up. she took my hand with a soft smile on her face.

"It's okay y/n" she let go of my hand, giggling at my confused face.

"h-how do you know my name?

"Oh well she had said it." she pointed to minnie.

"Oh r-right, duh, sorry I didn't get your name" I nervously scratched my neck. "Sua nice to meet you." she smiled at me. There was a soft moment of silence as we looked into each others eyes.

"Sorry about this dumbass here, she don't know how to skate." Yuqi came laughing her ass off.

I glared at her with a pout. "YAH, im learning okay."

"SuA come we're leaving already." Someone called for her, making her turn to face them. Then turned over to me again.

"O-oh I guess i got to go, nice to have met you y/n." a small blush filled her cheeks as she gave me yet another smile. I was to mesmerized to realize  she started to turn away.

Snapping back to reality, she was a good amount of distance away from me, when i shouted for her. "W-wait! woah" I tried going after her, forgetting i was skating i almost fell luckily Miyeon was right behind me and help me balance again.

Sua jumped a bit before turning back around, looking at me with a mix of confusion and concern.

"s-sorry, u-um i dont know if this is a bit blunt but i t-think, actually no! i, uh i find you really pretty. d-do you think i could get your number." I was playing with my sweater sleeve, I could feel the heat of my face make my face red.

"Hmm well since i think, actually i know your pretty cute, i would be glad to give you number." she looked at me with wide smile with a playful glint in her eyes.

Immediately I pulled out my phone and handed it to her. After a few taps, she gave it back to me. I looked down at the screen:   |SuA<3|.   thats what she named herself.  I looked back up to see her winking at me before turning and skating away.

Stuck in a little daze, Miyeon grabbed my shoulders and dragged me back to the girls 

"geez y/n, didnt know you had it in you?" Siyeon nugged me. " I mean you dropped her then asked for her number."

"i know your like the biggest idiot i know." Shuhua smirked at me. I knew they werent going to stop teasing me but I was too giddy to think about anything else than the fact that i got her number.

"Yeah well guess what idiots dont get pretty girl's numbers, let alone at a ice rink." I smirked, showing off my phone.

They just giggled at my words before continuing to skate around the ice rink, well i tried to skate.

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

fun new thing happening with me

if i get too hungry or too nauseas or anything really

its a very short journey to becoming overstimulated as hell

its like. having a migraine almost? minus the headache part

noises = bad

sensations = bad

lights are too bright

people wanting to talk to me or ask me questions or want me to do stuff is automatically irritating as hell

it takes a noticeable level of self control not to snap or fall onto things i want like a food agressive dog

i am infuriated if i am eating and have to stop for any reason, or if i have to wait for the microwave to finish, or that I'm carrying it to a comfy seat before digging it or if ive had to do all that and someone wants me to so much as hand them a paper towel thats right next to me.

im so nauseous right now because dummy me decided to send like. 2 messages while sitting in the passenger seat of a moving vehicle - sometimes i can risk it and its fine. sometimes if im quick its fine. today it was not fine - the nausea is in my head and chest but because about half way through the shopping trip my body decided to remember that i hadn't eaten today - i grabbed some shit off the hot rack and devoured it - that by the time the food id grabbed hit my stomach it was too late, i was nauseous in my belly from eating.

add to that the not in considerable amount of pain my sunburn is giving me

im somewhere in near migraine levels of sensitivity.

the sun was too bright, my bathroom lights are also bordering on too bright and theyre also screaming - a sound i only sometimes have to pay attention to as is basically the worst thing in the world when i do and somehow only some peopleget to hear, i had to strip nearly every article of clothing because it was touching me the wrong way and my feet were too hot as well as trapped from the socks, my hair had to come down

my phone just got a text - sound on - as i typed this and i wanted to be sick because noise/irritation/ interruption/ implied demand

my friend needs help sometimes or comes to check on me to help or does things and regaurdless of intention my brian registers some of those things as wrong and i have to not make faces or snap at her

logically i know shes done nothing wrong or needs help or is trying to help. emotionally i need to be left alone and not be made to feel bad about it

so im sitting in the bathroom with the screaming lights drinking water and hoping the Tylenol/motron mix I took kicks in and makes pain and nausea lesson enough that every little thing doesn't make me want to vomit, lash out, or break down

and like on one hand i do seem to be slowly feeling better and on the other im tired, dont feel good and again want to go lay down and not do whatever chores - like cooking - we have left because while ive been good so so so so good the last two days at not losing my shit or being passive aggressive or let anything get to me or make me act like an asshole and make my friend feel bad

its on a leash.

im ontop of not letting my face or body react poorly so far but idk how good a hold of that leash ive got

because i recognize this particular level of petty ass over sensitive bitchy irritation feeling and ive never controlled it before. itd just be explosive and id be mad until suddenly it was out of my system and i was fine again

now im like. peeling back the layers. dealing with myself like im a kid and figuring out whats contributing to make me feel bad and taking steps to alleviate it

but idk that ive got it in me to do whats necessary when ill just be. adding more things to deal with than i can handle right now. like i know i can force/ push myself into doing it

but i really dont want to test the leash i have rn

or vomit

or scream and throw things or lash out and make my friend feel scared hurt or angry back at me

[devout-of-the-phoenix]

An automatic writing with Altymaki . . , (I don't often post these, but I figured I'd try. Italicized text is them. Decided who to speak to based on a card pull.)

Good day Liege Altymaki! How are you doing?

I am well, how are you?

I am well. Seeing as you answered back in terms of "Who is here to speak", what do you have to say?

I'm wanting to mostly talk about the haunting. How is it going?

[ sigh ] Fine enough, I hear it's getting better, but what that means is unclear as of current. Do you have any advice for it?

Keep doing as you are, but perhaps be a bit more stern and serious about it, yes? As in... be more harsh, I mean. You've been kind enough, it's time to start being, for lack of a better word, an asshole.

Aaaaaaaugh. Okay, okay. I'll try. Anything else?

Hmm. Do you have anything you seek from me, tonight?

What should my next step be? You're a guiding God, you usually have thoughts on what to do next.

I'll share my thoughts then. You have a lot that you should be doing, but at the same time, you're not really resting properly. You could be doing better at praying, for example, and you could be doing better at stepping away from work, for another example. Why not stop and smell the roses? Stop and have some fun? You can include us in that, you can invite us into that. We're happy to be included and involved, and it's another way to pray. Go, play whatever, and invite us to play! On top, don't forget your pop culture pantheons in trying to reunite with us. I've noticed that, that you're putting much more effort into this blog than your other ones. While I know you're not abandoning your faith and I don't intend to imply that you are, you could be doing more to connect to those entities.

Aaaaaaugh. I got what I asked for but I have mixed feelings lol. You're right, though. I didn't realize I was accidentally prioritizing you guys, but it makes sense, as I'm naturally drawn to the patrons.

Which makes sense. Don't shame yourself, just know the slight problem. Work on it, make things better, but in whatever ways work for you and bring you peace.

Thank you, Liege Altymaki. I shall do my best! Hopefully. Maybe. lol.

Why maybe? (said lightheartedly)

Maybe I no no wanna! I kid, I kid. I'll do my best. I have some ideas for posts, I've just not made them is all.

Good luck with them.

Thank you. Is that all?

Yes, it is.

Thank you for your time! See you another time.

[lokilysolbitch]

oh my god yes this is one of my biggest issues w witchy spaces online. there is more to psychosis than being weird and or shocking and or wrong

also!! if it can be caused by stress. and it causes stress. then why would the next course of action be to harass and shame anyone you deem as psychotic

the fact that people use it as an insult and not like. a medical term erases the fact that there is more that someone questioning if theyre in psychosis can do to than just shaming themself out of believing something they suspect is a delusion. you cant punish away psychosis. (also trying to 'snap yourself out of it' can be like. dangerous and push you deeper into psychosis)

anyways. i am once again dropping a link to the nhs page on psychosis. note how for diagnosis it does not say it can be diagnosed by tumblr anons--

and dropping my personal tips (as someone who doesnt have access to professional help and has to make do) for if something wacky happens in my practice and i question if its psychosis, bc the way psychosis is talked about makes it seem like once it affects you, your entire life is doomed forever, and it is very important to me that people dont feel that way:

i ask myself: have i eaten enough, have i had enough water, and have i slept enough, have i interacted with a real life person who is not an asshole to me within the past few days or so (they dont have to be a close friend but if its someone who has consistently hurt me, i dont fully count that. usually being around people who have been consistently mean to me makes the psychosis worse, and sometimes they are directly the stressor). if yes, proceed. if no, i do those before thinking too hard about the reality of a spiritual occurrence. sometimes i have moments where i think psychosis is on my doorstep until i eat a pack of crackers and im like oh right. brain need food for to think

then i ask myself: do i feel grounded. this is tricky bc i have a dissociative disorder that comes with feeling spacey as a default so i have to go off of "do i feel a different flavor of spacey than usual". ive been in psychosis at least twice so usually im comparing it to that sort of feeling. if i feel as grounded as i can generally get, i proceed. if i feel like my reality is floating two inches off the ground. i turn all my priorities back to self care and leave figuring out spiritual stuff until further notice.

then i ask myself, what things are going on in my life that are causing great distress. all of my psychotic episodes have been caused by traumatic events mixed with a lack of self care and being around people who are regularly mean to me. if my current stressors arent too bad or are being managed alright, i proceed. if something is stressing me out severely, i do what i can to help, like self care, limiting looking at things that stress me out too much, addressing my emotions where i can. sometimes shit is just bad and there isnt much i can do. this is a special situation*

then i ask: do i match any types of delusions rn. this is tricky bc it depends on internal feelings. using godspousal as an example, ppl think it automatically means a delusion of grandeur but godspousal does not automatically mean a person thinks theyre better than everyone else. i dont focus on how outlandish my spiritual situation sounds because i quite literally light candles and set out offerings for beings i cant see with my eyes. i have to back myself up with more than that. do i feel like im being persecuted by everyone, do i feel superior to anyone else or so inferior to everyone else that it makes me special, do i feel personally responsible for major events, how deeply am i reading into potential signs, etc. if no, proceed. if yes, ill get back to that*

then i ask: are my beliefs something that harms me or someone else in a material traceable way. its very hard to fact check spiritual things. it is easier to track if something i believe physically harms someone in practice. i think a deity made me the queen of everything which means im allowed to me mean to whoever i want? okay well i cant prove the queen part. i can prove that being mean hurts people. so i will align my material actions with material consequences. if i really just feel compelled to spiritually throw hexes people, i can ask my gods/ancestors/whoever to spiritually snatch it midair and stuff it in their pocket. whenever i get scared im wrongly hexing someone when im actually the bad guy i tell my gods 'just kill me if im wrong okay lol' by which i mean. just veto the hex and correct me if im in the wrong. i basically send my hexes through them first. this is a very useful tool for people are susceptible to psychosis or delusions, or if you have a short temper, if youre impulsive, or if you have been regularly gaslit into believing youre the bad guy. also i think its funny to go 'okay guys if this isnt justified just. explode me with ur mind. just smite me guys'. they usually go 'kid we are not going to smite u for that. but yes i will spell check ur hex go ahead👍'

if all of these look like im in the clear i go back to evaluating the spiritual situation. im probably not in psychosis at this point, so i just need to figure out if i interpreted the situation right or not. and sometimes i can just be wrong. doesnt mean its psychosis. it just means i missed something which makes sense bc i am not omniscient.

if i have any psychosis red flags, i set boundaries for myself like no making major life decisions or commitments. i try to focus more on self care. i spend more time doing things that dont make me severely distressed, like fun hobbies. basically i dont address the spiritual until ive done what i can in the physical. i send up a prayer to my gods that is basically "hey chat i may or may not be losing it so can you make sure i dont get into any Situations. if i act weird its bc my brain is being fucky. okay bye love you :DDDD". the gods have seen psychosis many times, theyre not gonna judge me

*and to address the asterisks, sometimes my brain is latching onto delusions because it just cant handle reality at that moment. in that case i do not want to force it back into a reality it cant handle yet. so if its not a major life decision and it doesnt involve me neglecting self care, ill allow a harmless psychotic action. as a treat. i think every ghost is out to get me specifically? alright fine, ill just do another protection spell. i dont need it but its harmless and helps me feel safer, so ill indulge. i think a specific god is trying to hurt me? i can take down their altar for now. they understand. if a human can understand a scared animal bites bc its scared and not because its arrogant, a god can understand too. the goal is to make myself physically safe and make myself feel safe.

so basically, i check how im feeling, meet my basic physical and emotional needs, and step away from the details about whatever im thinking is psychosis, and i make sure i feel safe. and then after that i look into the spiritual situation again to see if i was right the first time and it was just a wacky situation or if i was just wrong in a wacky way (also reminder psychosis can be about non spiritual things, im just focusing on spiritual rn).

there are other things that can cause psychosis and different ways of experiencing psychosis, so this doesnt apply to everyone, not even close. i just need everyone to know there is more you can do about psychosis than harass random people or feel shameful or guilty

Also man,

Can we stop watering down and misidentifying what tf psychosis is- as someone who is very close with family and friends who have psychosis and schizophrenia- like can we please for the love of fuck stop calling everything psychosis. Can we please actually try to understand what these mental conditions are? Can we please for like 5 seconds?

The thing that irks me the most is pagans and witches being accused of having psychosis because they simply experience the Gods. Y’all seem to forget that religious psychosis is deregulating. Loss of reality testing, distress or disorganization, functional impairment in daily life, paranoia, anxiety, depression, isolation etc. It is a crippling condition that causes real tangible harm.

Everyone who describes something you don’t understand isn’t immediately suffering from religious psychosis, and if someone’s deity work isn’t causing them actual harm, it isn’t inherently wrong or harmful just because you cannot attain it.

“You have psychosis because you did hydromancy and actually saw something in the water. You have psychosis because you spoke to the Gods and they spoke back.” - Define psychosis for me right now.

I’m so sick of the delegitimization of people with psychosis from all spiritual circles in general. And I’m really sick of people who have absolutely no respect for those with neurodivergencies blankety slapping the label “psychosis” on every and any damn thing. It is a massive disservice to every demographic you claim to be protecting.

[meltingpenguins]

Through several fandoms recently I've gotten increasingly more bitter and have realized that there will always be a large, loud group of people in fandom who wholly love anything and sing it's praises without any doubts in their mind that maybe it kinda sucked or wasn't as good as the last one. There's always going to be people whose only voiced opinion on the matter is that it was perfect. It was so good, funny, did x thing, or was better than the last, even if it wasn't for many, many reasons. A matter of taste, I suppose, but it ends up feeling like at least some of those people just don't actually process what they're watching/listening to/reading or are just very, incredibly easy to please and simply latch onto things they like. It isn't the worst thing and it only changes from annoying to infuriating when those same people take any criticism as an attack, which also often happens. I guess all I'm really here to say is fandom these days is giving me a headache in all honesty lol

Fandom has always been wild.

It has a lot to do with how people are and were raised in terms of 'worth and selfworth'. It's an issue of validation, psychology and so forth, often deeply tied to bigotry and upholding power structures, that I am not qualified to go into (but there's several papers on the topic I believe).

You see the same problem on the flipside:

People who hate unquestioningly and without reason. Usually this approach is tied to the same roots as the above.

These days, worse than ever, lbr, we also have the added issue of asshole companies with their 'market research' that will cut all sorts of corners but still charge more and more, just so the big ceos can buy more hyperyachts a year. This can result in pointless fanservice, anti-fanservice (to upset as many people as possible) or a weird mix of all.

So little of what we see in media really takes risks, most things look and feel same-ish and lack a love for material and fandom.

With the Good Omens miniseries (cause, after all, that is prolly what brought forth this ask), a quick example is the 'easter eggs' to the book that are done in a way that can (can!) be read mockingly:

the deleted scene explaining the noodle-incident of how crowley brought down the mobile network is shot in a way to look very 80s, and even the first person we'd see when crowley leaves the building is playing into that (worse so in the script). Only to then go PSYCHE it's the 2000s. Why?

The ping-pong table at the convent. If you know the book you wonder why it's there because on the show these nuns are the most quiet chattering order you'll have never heard

'Jim's' outfit looks peculiar like what the fandom dressed aziraphale in for a long time (and still does), which can leave a bit of a sour taste given just -who- gabriel is on the show.

and so forth.

These are the kind of little things that at first glance look like fanservice, but leave a sour taste.

But long story short:

I'd say the important thing is to keep some thing in mind:

If something makes you happy, good. if someone dislikes it and can back it up, that's not automatically an attack on you

Same if you dislike something (just make sure you can back things up either way)

your headcanon becoming canon does not make you a better person. often, when the headcanon isn't really backed up well by the canon so far, it just means your headcanon promises the studio tons of money

stay safe, stay sane, stay creative

thank you for reading

(also, if you dislike something, and can back it up, that's always a good way to learn for your own craft if you're writing. After all, in ShOwmens case, it has an onslaught of good ideas, just the execution stumbles, and we have yet to find out for certain why that is. Hanlon's Razor et all)

[shewhohangsoutincemeteries]

you look good in leather

Peter Quill x F!Reader

Prompt: “I’m sorry, but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

Summary: on the way to xandar to face off with ronan the accuser, quill walks in on you changing into a ravager uniform and just has to show you how much he approves of the look.

Warnings: smut, hints of exhibitionism, vaginal sex.

Word Count: 1,613

Got a Request? Prompt List: here

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Propping your foot up on the crate in front of you, you fastened your boot closed before straightening. Exhaling a nervous breath, you reached up to run your fingers through your hair, you pulled it back to tie it away from your face. You heard the metal floors creak behind you, and you spoke without turning around. “Do I even want to know why the Ravagers had a uniform in my size? I’m not seeing a big female population on board.”

“You and Gamora would be the first on this ship,” Quill replied. You turned to face him, smoothing your hands down over the leather encasing your hips. “And you look a hell of a lot better in it than Kraglin does.”

“High praise,” you said, tugging on your hair to tighten the band holding it in place. “Actually, come to think of it, why the hell do you have a uniform here to fit Rocket? Dude’s a raccoon, for flark’s sake.”

Peter didn’t reply, his head tilted slightly to the side. You noticed his gaze fall lower, travelling slowly, pointedly over your curves. You rolled your eyes despite the immediate bloom of warmth you felt spread through you.

Raising a hand, you clicked your fingers in front of his face. “Hello? You in there, Space Cadet?”

Quill blinked, dragging his gaze back up to meet yours. A teasing, flirtatious smirk curled his lips. “I’m sorry. But it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

“Seriously?” you asked disbelievingly, glancing down at yourself. It was more form fitting that your usual t-shirt and jeans ensemble, but you hadn’t really thought anything of it. “Yondu just threatened to kill you and we’re about to go up against an interplanetary warlord, and you’re still thinking about sex?”

Quill shrugged, a self-deprecating smirk blooming on his lips. He closed the distance between the two of you slowly, taking ahold of your hips. “Guess I’ve got a one-track mind.”

You rolled your eyes at him, your own smile breaking over your features despite yourself as his hands slipped around to smooth over your backside. He pulled you closer, your hips bumping against his. Your hands moved automatically upward, and you rested them lightly on his shoulders. “Peter. Bigger issues.”

“We got time,” he replied, pressing his hips into yours teasingly. You could feel him harden against your thigh, and his hands squeezed your ass possessively. “Might as well use it creatively.”

“Funny how all your ‘creativity’ seems to result in nudity on my part,” you said snidely, sliding your hands up to wrap your arms around his neck loosely. “You might need to find a new schtick.”

“I thought you liked my ‘schtick’.”

“Ugh, Quill!” you scoffed at the lazily double entendre, shoving him away from you. Peter laughed, catching you around the waist and pulling you back against him. Your back met his chest, and your breath caught as you felt him press a hungry, open-mouthed kiss to the side of your throat. A taunting mix of tongue and the blunt graze of his teeth against your skin, it made a shiver roll up the small of your back, as did the way his hand travelled up your stomach to squeeze your breast through the supple leather of your outfit. “Peter…”

“Shhh…” he whispered; his breath hot against your flesh. His hand moved slowly, teasingly, sliding the zipper at the front of your suit down and slipping into your bra to clutch at your breast. “You’re gonna spoil the mood.”

“Asshole,” you bit back a moan as he pinched your nipple, turning your head to capture his mouth in a kiss. Quill returned it hungrily, sliding his tongue into your mouth.  You moaned into it despite your indignation as his other hand moved lower, cupping your cunt roughly through your clothes. The inelegance, the demand in his touch thrilled you despite your objections, and you felt heat rise in your chest as he led your hips back to grind against him. Quill groaned into the kiss as you bit his lip, his grip tightening on your breast for a moment.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

“And you’re still an asshole,” you retorted, and he snickered as you turned in his arms to face him again. Quill recaptured your lips, his hands taking hold of your waist. His mouth moved along your cheek to your jaw and down to the side of your throat, sucking a bruise into the sensitive skin over your pulse point.

He lingered there until your breath caught, then trailed his lips higher, catching them teasingly on your earlobe before speaking in your ear. You felt yourself shudder as his hand walked slowly up your torso to your zipper. Quill tugged it down at a glacial pace, his voice warm and gruff. “So, let me make it up to you then.”

Your hesitation lingered only until you felt his hand slide into your suit and over your stomach to curve against your ribs. “Fuck it. You have ten minutes.”

Quill laughed, unzipping your suit the rest of the way and shoving the sleeves of it down your arms. You echoed him, the sound catching in your throat as he shot you a cocky wink, turned you around, and bent you over the crates behind you. He smoothed a hand up the back of your thigh, and you shrugged off the sleeves of your suit. He tugged the whole thing down around your thighs as soon as your arms were free, heedless of the awkward way the leather hung around your legs.

Your chest met the storage crates as he bent you over further, his hand sliding between your legs. You moaned, and he pushed your underwear to the side.

“You know what one of the hottest things about you is?” he muttered, teasing his fingers along your cunt to circle your clit. You whined through gritted teeth, eyes closed. The heard the dull sound of his zipper being lowered. “The more you pretend to you’re not into it, the wetter you are.”

“God, you’re a dick—” you broke off with a drawn-out moan as Quill pressed his cock into you, his hand clutching at the swell of your ass as he filled you. “Fuck, Peter…”

His hand tightened painfully on your flesh as he withdrew and thrust into you again, hard enough to make the crates beneath you shake. You grunted as he did, bracing yourself on your elbows and shoving loose hair out of your eyes where it had come loose.

Quill didn’t pause, didn’t hesitate… apparently taking your time frame to heart. He fucked you hard, his fingers bruising your hips as he pulled them back to meet his thrusts. Your breath left you in a short, sharp moan each time he thrust into you, and he teased his hand over the side of your ass in approval, massaging the flesh of it.

His hand moved higher, a shiver following it up your back. You grinned, teeth digging into your bottom lip, as he wrapped your hair around his hand and jerked your head back. It forced your back to arch, and he pushed deeper into you. You moaned, eyes rolling back. When you reached back to grab at his hip, he took hold of your arms, pulling them back behind you. Your chest met the crate inelegantly, your cheek pressed against it, as he trapped your wrists against the small of your back.

“Ass—hole—”

“You’re so hot when you talk dirty, baby.” he laughed, his voice tight with arousal.

“Go fuck yourself, Quill.”

“Right after I’m finished with you,” he replied easily. “God, you’re mean to me.”

“You… you love it.”

“I do,” Quill said with a groan. He released your wrists, hands returning to your hips. He guided you into pushing back into him, and you braced yourself on your hands, fingers tightening painfully on the edge of the crate. “Do it more.”

You choked on a laugh, arms shaking as Quill’s hand snaked around between your legs and found your clit. “You’re running out of time, Star Lord.” your voice broke in a whimper as he circled it roughly, pinching it between his fingers. “Tick-tock.”

“Oh, now you’re asking for it,” he almost growled the words, and you jerked under his touch as his other hand pressed against the small of your back, pinning you in place against the crate. Unable to move your hips aways from his fingers, from his cock, you felt the stimulation all of a sudden too much, and you cursed as you came, drawing out his name in an almost pornographic moan.

Quill’s thrusts had become almost desperate at the sound of his self-imposed moniker, and he groaned as you tightened around him, pulling out of you just before his own orgasm hit. You could feel yourself twitch as he smoothed a hand up your thigh, and you exhaled as you straightened cleaning yourself up before pulling your suit back up and shrugging it up onto your arms.

You turned to face Quill as he tucked himself back into his pants, and your eyes widened. You smacked him hard in the chest. “You left the door open?!”

“Ow!” he flinched away from you childishly, and you smacked him again.

“Private moments, Peter! Private.”

“I didn’t want to waste any of time!” he argued defensively, but you saw the corner of his lips twitch upward in a smirk.

“You suck, Peter.”

“Maybe later,” he joked back. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got a lot going on right now. Honestly, your priorities—”

“I will hit you again.”

“Noted.”

.

.

.

tags:@lovely-dreamer19 @wittyforachange @wefracturedmotivation @january-echoes @glossyloner @capitalnineteen @youclickedthislink @s0ftness @castieltrash1 @drakelover78 @queenoftheunderdark @bombardia​ @bellarkeselection​ @nix-rose-q​ @blue-chup​ 

want to be tagged? send me an ask :)

[erodasfishtacos]

Ceorry and y/n at a charity /business dinner with h being clingy and everyone is like🧐 he has a heart? 🤯

BTW. Hope you're feeling better and allowing yourself time off to heal. ❤️

A little curious gazes & ty baby ❣️

-

Celeste knew she was stupid for crushing on her boss, she knew that never in a million years he would want some low level IT tech at his business.

She knew that he was married, had a band on his ring finger that was never removed and rumor was that he had her named tattooed on his chest.

But there’s no way someone as rich and unfairly attractive as him wouldn’t have some extramarital affair - especially with what an asshole he was.

Celeste was invited to this gala by pure chance, her supervisor’s husband got ill last minute and she was offered to take his spot.

She’s taken a spot at the bar, turned on her stool to look out at the crowd of beautifully dressed people with too much money to know what to do with.

Celeste finds her boss in the mix of people instantly, he’s holding at glass and has his normal tight-lipped expression as he listens to the others around him - she was convinced that was the only facial expression he could display.

Had this man ever smiled in his life?

After a few moments the lights dim just a tad when a man stands at the podium on the stage in the front of the room.

Everyone but Harry scurries to their seat for the speech, he just stays in the corner in the back of the room watching.

His eyes scan the room, for a moment, she swears the lock eyes and a zip of electricity rushes through her body but he keeps his eyes moving - away from her and back through the crowd like he was looking for someone.

Celeste knows she’s fucked up for finding this man so attractive, for daydreaming about him ending up in her bed - especially after last week.

-

“Did you lie on your resume?” Harry barks at her from where he’s sitting behind his desk, her file in front of him.

“Er, no? I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Mr. Styles,” She stammers, looking down at her lap and nervously smoothing her skirt.

“Someone who graduated from Brown can’t possibly be this stupid,” He shakes his head, insulting her intelligence by mocking her and closing the folder.

“I-I don’t -“

“I don’t,” He parrots with a cruel edge, his sharp jaw clenched and his eyes unwavering, “You’re poor coding cost us £132,000. You should be thanking me I’m not firing you. Get the fuck out of my office.”

Celeste eyes widen in shock, she knows exactly what’s he talking about, and she wants to smack him clear across the face for talking to her like that but instead she’s rushing out of his office - saving her tears until her lunch break.

-

He’s just… the worst.

He’s everything that’s wrong with wealthy men.

She’s still watching when a woman approaches him, she’s gorgeous with messy waves and a form-fitting dress that hugs her curves.

Celeste feels her heart starting beating faster because this woman, despite her beauty, was totally going to get turned down by this asshole.

The woman walks over with such confident that it’s almost embarrassing because she thinks she has a chance with him.

Nobody is observing this except her, the lights are low, and there’s a bright spotlight on the man on stage who everyone’s watching intently.

Harry is watching as she approaches with that unreadable unfriendly expression, taking a sip of his liquor.

The woman walks straight into him, his hand instantly snaking around her waist and resting dangerously low on the small of her back, and her lips find his.

Celeste is shocked as she watches them kiss for a moment, his hand dipping lower to palm at her bum before coming back up to cup her neck.

When they pull away, Harry’s face is the softest she’s even seen it - the normal glare, down-turned lips were nowhere to be seen as he gazed at this woman.

The woman turns around in his hold, leaning back against his chest and his arms automatically come to wrap around her tummy, where Celeste is shocked once again to see a massive baby bump.

Harry’s hands cradle her belly, holding it, and the woman lets her head fall back on his shoulder in relief - he’s whispering something to his, lips brushing her temple.

They stay like that during the whole speech, his hands cradling her stomach, lips against her skin as she leans her full weight on him.

When the man on stage is done talking, the woman she is presuming is his wife stands back up straight, they chat for another moment, and then he’s being called on stage.

Celeste’s eyes widen when she realizes his wife is heading towards the bar, mostly likely looking for an empty seat - her ankles looked painfully swollen.

“Is anyone sitting here?” His wife asks kindly, Celeste shakes her head, and tries not to stare at how pretty she is or the massive diamond on her ring finger.

“Thank you,” She tells Celeste, taking a deep breathe when she’s finally sat, “I can’t stand that long without feeling like I’m gonna cry.”

Celeste chuckles, “I could imagine. How far along are you?”

His wife smiles softly, hand coming to her belly to rub the taut skin, “Nearly eight month, feels like I’ve been pregnant forever though.”

“That’s so exciting. First baby?” Celeste asks, partly because she trying to be nice and the other part of her is so curious.

“Third baby. Second pregnancy,” She responds without elaborating, she pulls out her phone from her purse, and shows her the screensaver.

It was of Harry with two little girls.

It was taken in their bed from the looks of it, the one child with chocolate curls like her dad’s was fast asleep in a funny position - wrapped around his shoulder and her cheek resting against his.

The other was a baby, couldn’t even been a year yet with ferocious red curls and freckles smattered all over her small cheeks - she was asleep on Harry’s bare chest, nose tucked into his neck, plump pink lips parted.

Celeste felt guilty instantly for all of the filthy, explicit daydream she’s had about this girl’s husband who looked adorable with their babies.

“Such a cute picture,” Celeste compliments with a grin, “They look like they love their dad.”

“Obsessed with him,” She chuckles in agreement before ordering a water with lemon and chugging it down.

“At least dinner should be served soon,” Celeste adds in the lull of silence and Harry’s wife just give her a pained nod - hand coming to rub at the side of her bump like it’s causing her discomfort.

They turn their attention to Harry, speaking confidently about some type of charity donation and what has happened positively since then.

When it’s over, his wife is ordering another glass of water and Celeste noticed sweat on her hairline, mixing with her makeup.

Harry appears beside his wife, hand coming to her belly once again as he requested a whiskey neat from the bartender.

Celeste turns away and pulls out her phone so it doesn’t seem like she’s eavesdropping on their conversation even though she totally is.

“You feelin’ okay? Looks a lil’ pale, pet,” Harry murmurs to his wife, taking a napkin and blotting it at her forehead.

“Just a lot,” She mumbles back, her hand slipping inside his suit jacket to squeeze at his hip, “This dress is tight, shoes are suffocating my feet, the bub is kicking my kidneys, and I miss the babies already.”

“Let’s go home,” He responds, moving to help her off the stool before grabbing her water and encouraging her to drink the rest.

“No,” She begins to argue, “This is your night. I’m not gonna -“

“I said we’re going home. You don’t feel well. The baby and you are more important than some stupid fuckin’ gala,” Harry tells her firmly, that low rasp the one she heard and her heart broke for the woman because it’s obvious he’s awful to her too.

Then Celeste is surprised when his wife sighs loudly and leans up to kiss him, automatically reviving one back as she hums, “You’re so good to me. Maybe I’ll give you a blowie later.”

Harry snorts out a laugh, something Celeste has never heard before, “You can’t even bend over with your belly. How about I eat your cunt then flip you on all fours and give it to you nice and slow. Make you feel all of me.”

Celeste embarrassingly enough clenches her thighs at that.

However, his wife responds with, “Let’s go now. Want that, H.”

“Always give it to you, m’heart,” He hums before they’re disappearing into the crowd.

Celeste sits there stunned for a good ten more minutes because maybe that jerk did have a heart with only room for a few people.

[foli-vora]

talking shadows

khonshu x f!reader, unnamed m!character x f!reader

a/n: yep. won't feel shame for this one lmao. i lost my tag list for this so i'm sorry about that! enjoy x

word count: 1.6k

warnings: swearing, smuttt 18+ only. voyeurism/exhibitionism, fingering, protected p in v, bit of degradation, smidgen of praise, orgasm denial, i just want to be called 'little one' by a moon god ok????

lovingly dedicated to my partner in birdman lust @wheresarizona

It’s often that you find yourself bathed in moonlight, kissed by its soft familiar presence hanging amongst the stars. The cover of night and the beauty of the moon provided solace, peace… but what once provided comfort for you and your tangled mind, now felt tainted, stolen.

It’s often that you find yourself bathed in moonlight, though it’s now a rare occurrence to do so without the tiresome presence now seemingly tangled permanently into your existence.

Well, permanently until he deemed you no longer worthy of his so-called ‘gift’. Used; eaten and spat out like an off meal, and you were meant to feel grateful for it, thankful—thankful that he chose you out of an ocean of other bland human beings for the job of delivering justice by his fist and protecting those ‘travelling in the night’.

Fuck him.

No.

Not tonight. Tonight was yours, his justice be damned.

Your thoughts of him falter when lips press messily against your throat, the blunt edge of teeth nipping softly at your flesh until the skin feels raw. It’s a nice enough distraction from the usual blood and violence of your nights. It’s just enough to calm the edge of anxiety stewing in the back of your mind.

“You look bored, little one.”

Ignore him. Ignore him.

His low chuckle fills the darkened room and it sends a rush of bitterness through you, your mood darkening at the sudden appearance of him. Why now?

Your eyes open, automatically drawn to the shadow lounged comfortably in the armchair in the corner, one long leg thrown over the arm and the other stretched out in front of him. Make yourself at home, asshole.

The familiar skull tilts towards you in vague interest, wrapped fingers drumming a rhythm against the fabric of the seat only you could hear.

“The primitive urges of humans never fails to amuse me. Look at you. Are you always this desperate?”

Hot fury builds in your chest and you bite back your retort, curling into the hands that tug your shirt up and off your body. Chapped lips press against the new skin revealed, hands brushing along the band of your bra until his fingers meet the clasp. With the twist of his fingers it comes free and you shrug it from your body with a twist of hope that your unashamed nudity will send the god off to wherever he usually disappears to.

It quickly dies when the god remains in the chair, his attention on you and completely unbothered as the chill from the open window hardens your nipples. Your body wants to shy away, to curl in and hide from the attention so focused on you from across the room, but you don’t.

Some shameful, deeply buried part of you screams it—let him watch, let him see you.

Your jeans are torn away, your underwear quickly following as they land in a quiet heap on the floor, mixing with the clothes he sheds and throws away. The heat of his skin melts into yours, feeling like fire through the chill settling in the room and still—your audience watches with a barely there tilt of his skull.

The hands that roam your body are eager, rushed, and your whimper echoes softly through the room when fingers smooth along your slit, gathering the build up of arousal and smoothing it over you before dipping softly into your cunt once, twice, and soon a second digit joins it, leisurely thrusting and stretching your pussy.

“You like that, baby? Does that feel good?”

“No, it doesn’t.” The god states it confidently with a tinge of amusement, almost taunting in the way he tempts you to argue with him, daring you to speak up and tell him he’s wrong. 

You rock against the fingers moving in and out of you, your lashes fluttering against your cheeks as your brows deepen to concentrate on the feeling, desperate to prove him wrong. He is wrong. This is fine. 

“The human knows nothing. Tell him how you really like it.”

Fuck. Ignore him.

He chuckles, the breeze carrying it to your ears as the moon shines in through the window and it sinks through your system, settling low and heavy in your gut. 

Unable to focus on the fingers thrusting mercilessly in and out of you, your hands fly to push the hand away and force him onto his back, quickly swinging your leg over his hips and settling over his thighs. It barely takes a minute to tear through the small foil packet and roll the condom over his cock before you shift and sink down on it, his low drawn out groan filling the room.

It takes a moment for you to adjust to the feel of him filling you, not exactly ready with the limited foreplay you received, but you push through the slight discomfort, giving a slow experimental grind of your hips and relishing in the way his cock drags along the walls of your cunt before finding a comfortable pace.

“Come now, little one. This is pitiful. Show me what you can do, unless this is all you have to offer.”

It’s the condescending note in his words that seem to hit you the hardest. You have half a mind to tell him to fuck off and leave you alone, but the harsh words melt away on your tongue.

With a thrill shooting along your spine, you realise you like it, and resentment buds in your core. You hate that it lights a fire in you, hidden in the dark depths of your being—the rise to meet a challenge, the will to prove yourself, to impress.

He wants a show? Fine. You’ll give him one.

And so you start to move in earnest, bouncing faster and slamming yourself back down against the hips beneath you, the thick cock sliding against your walls nudging that sweet spot just fucking right with every heavy drop of your ass.

The lewd slap of flesh fills the room, mixing with the soft noises falling from your throat and your hand curls around one of your tits, squeezing the soft flesh and tugging harshly at a nipple.

The sharp jolt of pain shoots through you and you moan louder, repeating the motion and bathing in the sting.

“That’s it,” the deep rumble brings goosebumps along your skin as you move, your cunt clenching from the familiar timbre of it, “pay him no mind. Take what you need.”

Your fingers find your clit easily as you fuck yourself on the cock filling you, the rough pads circling firmly over the stiffened nub in desperate need to build upon the heat already churning in the depths of you.

You feel the tightening in your core build with every quick flick of your fingers over your clit, the whisper of shame creeping along your shoulders at your predicament. It’s easy enough to ignore with the haze filling your mind, the overwhelming flood of heat winding along your nerves until it rests heavy at the base of your spine.

So close. So fucking close.

It’s there—you can practically taste it, your body tensing and writhing and hungry for the flood of bliss—

“No.”

It’s both maddening and interesting with how quickly your body responds to the god’s simple word, despite your brain screaming at you to ignore him.

Your orgasm holds at his demand, keeping your body wound and tight until sweat starts to slide down your temple, your fingers still circling, circling, in search of that blissful end.

But it’s right there. Ignore him.  Just a little more—

“You think you own this body?”

Your jaw tightens but you make no comment. A part of you wants to fight it, to say that your body is your own and he can just fucking deal with it. Your body will never be his. It will never—

“Make no mistake, little one. This body is mine.”

You feel it in the way your body reacts to his words, submissive and obedient, waiting for his simple command to jump from the ledge you keep yourself dancing so precariously along.

Surely just another circle of your fingers will be enough to push past the limit; more pressure, something—

No. Your climax holds, and your clit throbs, aching painfully from the constant stimulation. It wouldn’t happen without his say so, and somewhere deep in you relishes in your firm obedience. Would he be pleased? You hate how you arch at the possibility, dizzy with the need to hear even a mere few words of praise come from the god. 

“Please—”

He hums, low and long. You feel him move, the cool air of the room shifting. The weight of his stare rests heavily along your nerves and you swear you feel the scrape of something sharp, pointed, run along your shoulder, igniting fire beneath your skin where it trails before he answers your plea with a single word—

“Now.”

It hits with a flash of blinding light, stars dancing behind your lids as your body crashes in on itself, the choked moan from the man below you barely cutting through the roar of blood through your ears as your cunt tenses and flutters with the strength of your climax.

You jolt with each further brush over your sensitive clit, your fingers wringing the last licks of pleasure from your core before it becomes too much for you to handle.

Your chest heaves with each quick, sharp inhale; the heavy thud of your heart hammering against your ribcage as the presence lingering over you swells, the feel of what you’re sure is the point of his beak disappearing from where it had been ghosting along your skin.

“You did well, little one.”

He’s gone when you open your eyes.

-